Am I(20 y/o F) aromantic, or just confused?

[Via]

 

 

As the title says, Over the past year or two, I realized I might be on the aromantic spectrum. I’ve never been “interested” in the whole romance culture, and honestly find it to be a bit much, It also makes me uncomfortable to be around it. However, there have been 2 times, with 2 separate people years apart where I did fall in love with them. Even with them, I wasn’t into the whole “couple goals” type stuff, I enjoyed their companionship and sharing my life and interests/hobbies with them. I’m not interested in romance or a romantic relationship, and I wouldn’t rule it out but it’s also not something I actively seek out. Most of the time when I’ve tried dating people, I never really felt anything and just felt uncomfortable the entire time. As I said, I’ve only felt romantic attraction twice, other than that it’s been purely platonic and I honestly prefer QPPs and close friendships. I think I may be just extremely demi-romantic and extremely close to being fully aro. However, when I came out as Aro and started expressing how I think I may be aro/spec because I experience very very little romantic attraction, I was also told that there has to be something wrong with me because I’ve had relationships in the past, so I "can't be aro and probably just am too traumatized" I’m not really sure, am I arospec? Grayromantic? If anything, I feel like I'm 98% aromantic

 

[hemogoblin]

1 hour ago, Via said:

If anything, I feel like I'm 98% aromantic

Sounds like your answer to me. :)

1 hour ago, Via said:

I was also told that there has to be something wrong with me because I’ve had relationships in the past, so I "can't be aro and probably just am too traumatized"

Sounds like you ran into a huge ass asshole. I'm so sorry about that. That's an extremely gross thing to be told. Gatekeeping is disgusting. Fwiw, I'm literally aromantic due to trauma and the bulk of the community has never turned me away, invalidated me, or tried to speak over me. I even run an aro ask blog - as someone openly caedromantic - of which is followed by several other aro resource blogs.

[Via]

13 minutes ago, hemogoblin said:

Sounds like your answer to me. :)

Sounds like you ran into a huge ass asshole. I'm so sorry about that. That's an extremely gross thing to be told. Gatekeeping is disgusting. Fwiw, I'm literally aromantic due to trauma and the bulk of the community has never turned me away, invalidated me, or tried to speak over me. I even run an aro ask blog - as someone openly caedromantic - of which is followed by several other aro resource blogs.

Ty for the validation on that, genuinely. I guess I just got into the mindset of “well identifying as aromantic is wrong because of that 2 times i fell in love with someone in my entire life” but I guess the definition of a romantic is feels a little to no, romantic attraction. And i’ve never heard of caedromantic before! What does that mean if I can ask? I’m really new to the Aro community so i don’t know many of the other identities under the umbrella. 

 

So i guess being aro/ace fits, and I feel like I identify the most with aromantic, because of how little interest and attraction i feel.

The person who actually told me that is also a Transmed… so if that gives you an idea of her beliefs. 

 

Tysm! 🖤💚🤍

[hemogoblin]

12 hours ago, Via said:

I guess the definition of a romantic is feels a little to no, romantic attraction.

Yes, aromantic is rare to no attraction, with rare also encompassing "attraction only under specific circumstances", and as always with something as personal as identity, you can choose to ID as aro for a whole host of reasons beyond that. For example, you may feel attraction similar to the default expectation but have little to no interest in romantic relationships and therefore find aro a useful term for yourself. 

12 hours ago, Via said:

What does that mean if I can ask?

Oh, it just means what I was saying earlier. It's someone who is aro because they feel their romantic attraction was "cut away" by trauma. So, I used to feel/ID as alloro but don't anymore after trauma altered my feelings. :)

12 hours ago, Via said:

The person who actually told me that is also a Transmed… so if that gives you an idea of her beliefs. 

Yeah...wouldn't advise spending time with them, much less putting stock into anything they say. =X

[Via]

 I do appreciate the validation, I was scared to ID as aro(even though I did because of the very little to no attraction) bit because I thought it may have been untrue or upset people who are arospec. Even though Aroace feels accurate and correct to me.

And ohh okay, I;m sorry to hear that you went through that :( 

[dewy]

You can definitely still be aromantic while having some attraction if you find the label fitting and helpful. I also fall under the little attraction definition of aromantic. I've had some crushes in my life, just not as often or intense compared to alloromantic people. Even been in several romantic relationships too. I would probably count as gray romantic if I wanted a specific label, but I prefer broad labels, so I just say aromantic. If you like an aromantic sublabel, you can identify that way, or just call yourself aromantic since it encompasses all arospec identities, either way is ok. There are lots of aromantic people who still experience some attraction and/or want romantic relationships, so you're definitely not alone.

Edited December 18, 2023 by dewy

[Synthetic Adrenaline]

Sounds like you're mostly aromantic!