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Hello, I'm new here and I want to know if someone have the same feelings like me.

Sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker.

Imagine the situation:

You meet a nice person. You have a good rapport with him/her, you have a common hobbies, you like and enjoy spending the time with him/her, you are close friends. And he/she confess he/she is in love with you and he/she want to date and be in relationship with you. You don't want and you feel like he/she wanted to "trap" you and you had to "sacrifice" yourself and your freedom for him/her. You start to feel repulsive to shis person and you avoid him/her. And he/she doesn't understand why, so he/she still strive to "trap" you in a relationship. Then he/she give up and start to hate you.

I had a lot of situations like this. Do you know something similar?

I don't understand why someone have to strive for dating. We spend time together, we have common hobbies. Why we can't just be friends? Why it's not good?

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I encourage you to not view romance/a romantic relationship as a trap. for many people it is an expression of their type of love and is often a show of vulnerability and trust. This is not supposed to mean you have to accept or even lower your frustration about the situation, you are allowed to feel angry and upset about this situation because you are provided with information that the relationship your currently have may be changed and change can be hard. Additionally something about romantic relationships as a person who is in one and can experience romantic attraction. it is not necessarily “sacrificing” your freedom (at least not in healthy relationships) it is more like having a friend who you are closer to then anyone else who you communicate and make some decisions with. If it is something you can experience it is an amazing thing but not everyone views it like that and that is ok you have a different view on romance then anyone else because we are all different people who have different experiences. 

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I obviously can’t say for certain because I am not there but it’s super easy to project past experiences onto your current relationships (romantic, sexual or platonic) (I would know my boyfriend has to deal with it and tell me when he thinks that’s what I’m doing) just be cautious I encourage you to keep an open mind and if you believe it is safe, communicate and tell them how you feel. 

Also be sure to keep yourself safe if you feel this is an attempt to have control your life do keep your distance. Be safe <3

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 11/26/2023 at 8:10 AM, Holmbo said:

It feels disappointing when someone you thought was a potential friend romozone you

Yes, it is. And when you don't requite his feelings, he is angry. Why?

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Feelings don't need a reason to be. He can be angry - but what matters is how he chooses, if at all, to act on that anger.

His hurt that you don't feel the same way about him as he does you is valid.

Your hurt that he doesn't feel the same way about you as you do him is valid.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out perfectly or neatly. Sometimes relationships end. Sometimes people can't work through it, even if it seems like there's an objective solution available (humans are not objective creatures). I'm sorry that unrequited feelings ruined this friendship. That sucks.

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