Anxiety with identifying as genderfluid

[CatNap]

So, I've looked into genderfluid quite a bit, and now I'm feeling anxiety with the idea of identifying as/being genderfluid. I have this tense uncomfortable feeling at that idea. I looked up "identifying as genderfluid gives me anxiety" and gender dysphoria popped up. That might not be the case. So that's a no on genderfluid? And I most definitely do not want to be genderfaun, and there's no way I'm genderfae and genderflor. I don't think so, at least? So I'm going to research other genders and see if any fit in depth.

 

Do you know why that gave me such a negative feeling? Anyways, thanks for reading this.

Edit: I think I'm afraid of potentially being genderfluid, but I don't know why.

Edited November 9, 2023 by BloodLust

[mordo]

38 minutes ago, BloodLust said:

So, I've looked into genderfluid quite a bit, and now I'm feeling anxiety with the idea of identifying as/being genderfluid. I have this tense uncomfortable feeling at that idea. I looked up "identifying as genderfluid gives me anxiety" and gender dysphoria popped up. That might not be the case. So that's a no on genderfluid? And I most definitely do not want to be genderfaun, and there's no way I'm genderfae and genderflor. I don't think so, at least? So I'm going to research other genders and see if any fit in depth.

 

Do you know why that gave me such a negative feeling? Anyways, thanks for reading this.

Edit: I think I'm afraid of potentially being genderfluid, but I don't know why.

in my experience i just get anxious with identifying as any fluid identity even if the feelings i have to fluctuate because i like things to be consistent and it’s hard when your identity is inconsistent.

also kinda going through the same thing being agender, like i know i probably am but it seems so complicated that i just sit in denial most of the time because those emotions are complicated 

just remember to use whatever labels make you comfortable, there’s no pressure to identify as anything if it makes you uncomfortable just use the labels you like

[hemogoblin]

What does the anxiety feel like? What thoughts make it better? What thoughts make it worse? 

Feelings are completely subjective. Nobody is going to be able to tell you how you feel or why. I do see you've been having a lot of anxiety overall regarding exploring your gender. Just slow down and take it at your own pace. 

I suggest the Gender Quest Workbook to help you through this, which you can get free here: https://transreads.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/2021-07-23_60fa10b39be9a_TheGenderQuestWorkbookAGuideforTeensandYoungAdultsExploringGenderIdentitybyRylanJayTestaDeborahCoolhartJaymePetaRyanK.SallansArleneIstarLevz-lib.org_.pdf

I would also look for a copy of How to Be You by Jeffrey Marsh, a nonbinary activist. The book is just about how to find self-acceptance and maybe even self-love. 

Remember, umbrella labels are there for a reason. You identify as whatever makes you happy. Not everybody can pinpoint their specific gender(s). What's more important is: what do you like? What do you not like? What makes you happy? What makes you uncomfortable? Just figure out at least the path of least uncomfortable things, even if the "best" is what makes you feel neutral. 

"What" could be: hairstyle, clothes/fashion, name, pronouns, titles/honorifics, body presentation, body configuration, voice, etc. Figuring these out will probably come at separate times and not all at once. Figuring out some may change others. They may even change throughout time (short- or log-term). 

Edited November 10, 2023 by hemogoblin
Extra spaces were bugging me

[Collie]

A strong reaction to having a particular gender identity could be an indicator that it's not right for you. But it may also be that you are afraid of judgement in regards to that identity.

[CatNap]

On 12/1/2023 at 12:16 AM, Collie said:

A strong reaction to having a particular gender identity could be an indicator that it's not right for you. But it may also be that you are afraid of judgement in regards to that identity.

Oh, I've been criticized before. But that might?? play a role in it. But the idea in general of having a fluid gender is unappealing in itself.

[CatNap]

On 11/9/2023 at 3:20 PM, hemogoblin said:

What does the anxiety feel like? What thoughts make it better? What thoughts make it worse? 

Feelings are completely subjective. Nobody is going to be able to tell you how you feel or why. I do see you've been having a lot of anxiety overall regarding exploring your gender. Just slow down and take it at your own pace. 

I suggest the Gender Quest Workbook to help you through this, which you can get free here: https://transreads.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/2021-07-23_60fa10b39be9a_TheGenderQuestWorkbookAGuideforTeensandYoungAdultsExploringGenderIdentitybyRylanJayTestaDeborahCoolhartJaymePetaRyanK.SallansArleneIstarLevz-lib.org_.pdf

I would also look for a copy of How to Be You by Jeffrey Marsh, a nonbinary activist. The book is just about how to find self-acceptance and maybe even self-love. 

Remember, umbrella labels are there for a reason. You identify as whatever makes you happy. Not everybody can pinpoint their specific gender(s). What's more important is: what do you like? What do you not like? What makes you happy? What makes you uncomfortable? Just figure out at least the path of least uncomfortable things, even if the "best" is what makes you feel neutral. 

"What" could be: hairstyle, clothes/fashion, name, pronouns, titles/honorifics, body presentation, body configuration, voice, etc. Figuring these out will probably come at separate times and not all at once. Figuring out some may change others. They may even change throughout time (short- or log-term). 

The feeling feels like I want to get as far away from the idea of me being that identity as possible. What makes it better is thinking of myself as something else. What makes it worse is thinking of myself as being genderfluid.

But it's been a decent amount of time now, and I've gone without labels, because I'm unsure, and no labels fit me as of yet. I just feel like me. No strings attached. I guess it's pretty liberating. Labels put me under a lot of stress. I want a label, but at the same time I'm just fine without one. Recently, one of my favorite youtubers came out as a demiboy, after identifying as demigirl for some time, and I felt super happy for them, of course! And then I thought "I'm glad they figured out what they truly are. At least they'll know! And that's fine."

Then I was thinking "what if I was in the same scenario, but the opposite. What if I find out I'm a demigirl. How funny would that be?" Trying to jinx myself, I guess, even though I know I'm not a demigirl. I guess part of me is still a bit desperate. 

You're right. I'm eager to explore my expression, pronouns, names, and other things. I'm eager to explore my gender identity, but at the same time it feels useless, since why even bother figuring it out? I'm still me, after all.

I'll give the site and book a look. That is if my library has a copy.

I like using any and all types of ways to express my gender identity. I'd like to have people think I'm a girl one minute, and a guy the next. Or just not being sure of what I am at all. What I mean is, I'd like to have people in a state of confusion when it comes to my expression. I don't like being confined to one gender identity, to the binary. Oddly enough, I'm not really into honorifics and pronouns sometimes, other times I am. And I could easily see a problem there. At least to people who wouldn't understand. After all honorifics are a way of communicating who one is, right? It actually varies on what makes me uncomfortable. It's just an "it depends" circumstance. I guess, either I still haven't learned my preferences on the small things like pronouns and such, due to trying to rush things, and never genuinely experimenting, or I'm just fluid that way. I've got a start for that path, I think.

I know I prefer either feminine hair styles (like long hair, etc), and gender neutral haircuts (but honestly, why label things like haircuts??). I'm a big fan of short hair, but I could do just as fine with long hair. I really like clothes considered feminine, and I'm willing to experiment with masculine and gender neutral clothes too, even though I'm not too keen on the idea right now. Maybe even trying something different and mixing together clothes (like masculine and feminine clothing, or masc and neutral, or fem and neutral). I'm still experimenting on names. That one's a toughy, but I'll figure it out. I know I don't want masculine names. Neutral ones are fine, and I don't think feminine names are to my taste. I'd like really unconventional names. Pronouns? Sometimes i want to use she/they, other days he/him, they/them, he/they, neoprouns, and none. It's a changing thing. I believe due to rushing things however. I know that I can be alright with my body sometimes. What I'm going to say is gonna be weird, so please don't judge me. Sometimes I stare at my chest, and I'm like "oh I have boobs, okay then" and move on with my day. Other times I like having them. Same with my down below area, except I never like them. I'm fine with them sometimes, yes, but never like them. Sometimes I want a flat chest, and surgery for my down there bit. It changes/depends. But whatever I want at the moment is what I want. Sometimes I really like how feminine clothes extenuate my body. Other times I'm far from it. I don't know what body configuration means (;-;). As for my voice, I want an androgynous one. Strictly androgynous. I don't exactly mind my female one half the time, but I definitely want an androgynous voice. I agree, I'll figure things like this out through time, and not all at once. I know from my own experiences.

 

(P.s. writing this made me realize something. Like a revelation. Lol. But I'm serious. My oblivious self didn't think to think that I'm feminine, and prefer to be feminine presenting. I also realized that I might be girlflux. That possibility sounds find to me, and I'm excited, and I hope that that's me! I'm going to look into it. Maybe I'm wrong? Who knows. Either way It's fine. And I for sure am going to experiment.

Also, some of what I responded with made me think of other people's experiences. I'm pretty sure they were girlflux, but I cant remember.-

Edited December 12, 2023 by Lunar