Peggy Posted November 7, 2023 Share Posted November 7, 2023 I generally identify as aromantic, but I'm actually (probably) grayromantic. I have only had one crush and it was four years ago, so after a while I just called myself aromantic because I wasn't even sure if that crush was really a crush, and it had been so long since I'd had one. I also find it easier to say aromantic because it's easier to explain it, and more people are likely to know what it means. But now I think I have another crush. And I don't know what to do. It's messing with my entire sense of self - being aro is a pretty big part of my identity, whenever I come out these days, I say I'm aromantic not that I'm grayromantic. Moreover, I don't even know the extent of my feelings about this person (because some grayromantic people's romantic attraction is really low compared to allos, and I don't know where I fall on that), and even if they were to ask me out, I don't know if that's something I'd want to say yes to, or what dating them would really be like. I'm just generally feeling really conflicted about this and kinda depressed about this. I don't need concrete advice or suggestions if you don't have any, but just a few nice words would be nice. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 7, 2023 Share Posted November 7, 2023 False emotions fuck with ur head😭 I had this crush when I was a little kid and I didn´t feel uncomfortable in the relationship after he also confessed to me(which I did in every other relationship I´ve ever been in after) and I hate thinking about it💀 I was like 7 years old but since I can barely remember it, I can´t decipher exactly what I felt and that's so annoying to me sometimes, So I understand what that might be like for you, and I hope your feelings make sense soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peggy Posted November 7, 2023 Author Share Posted November 7, 2023 Yeah, I remember while I had that first crush, four years ago, I began using the term 'friend-crush' because it more felt like I just wanted to talk to him and hang out with him than actually date him, and it felt different than anything my friends describe as having crushes. So that REALLY made me wonder if it was a platonic crush, once I discovered the aromantic spectrum. However, I've had other platonic crushes and they still feel different from that first maybe-crush. And my current crush definitely feels different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MondoBilby Posted November 7, 2023 Share Posted November 7, 2023 I've never had a crush, so I can't relate too much. But I do often get very conflicting feelings because I change my mind about things so often. It's very confusing and annoying. I hope you can figure out your feelings! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 7, 2023 Share Posted November 7, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, Peggy said: Yeah, I remember while I had that first crush, four years ago, I began using the term 'friend-crush' because it more felt like I just wanted to talk to him and hang out with him than actually date him, and it felt different than anything my friends describe as having crushes. So that REALLY made me wonder if it was a platonic crush, once I discovered the aromantic spectrum. However, I've had other platonic crushes and they still feel different from that first maybe-crush. And my current crush definitely feels different. If you want to touch him(in a not sexual way), it might be sensual attraction, and if you think he's very good-looking and you just want to stare at him it might be aesthetic attraction And even if you feel any kind of actual romantic attraction to him, as long as you don't feel that you want to pursue a romantic relationship with him, ur still aro! Edited November 7, 2023 by Milly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hemogoblin Posted November 7, 2023 Share Posted November 7, 2023 Good news! Grayros are aro, so you can be grayro and just call yourself aro. That's perfectly fine. Having crushes doesn't make you not aro. 1 hour ago, Peggy said: (because some grayromantic people's romantic attraction is really low compared to allos, and I don't know where I fall on that) Having a crush every half a decade certainly falls as "low". Younger people tend to have weekly or monthly crushes. A study actually reported that for college age folk, they had a little less than roughly a crush a month. As you age, that evens out a bit, but I would still say at least few a year is the typical allo experience. My point is: you're valid! :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeltaAro Posted November 8, 2023 Share Posted November 8, 2023 On 11/7/2023 at 3:09 AM, Peggy said: I generally identify as aromantic, but I'm actually (probably) grayromantic. I have only had one crush and it was four years ago, so after a while I just called myself aromantic because I wasn't even sure if that crush was really a crush, and it had been so long since I'd had one. I also find it easier to say aromantic because it's easier to explain it, and more people are likely to know what it means. Hi, aromantic also includes people who experience little attraction (grayromantics). I don't mean just aromantic spectrum, but literally aromantic. Because the aromantic spectrum is even broader and also includes related orientations. For example quoiromantic, which by its nature - feeling not being romantically categorizable - arguably (!) isn't aromantic. On 11/7/2023 at 3:09 AM, Peggy said: I don't need concrete advice or suggestions if you don't have any, but just a few nice words would be nice. The grayromantic flag is nice! 😃 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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