Gray_acie Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 So about half a month ago I was on Trevorspace and had some questions because I was(and still am really) questioning myself about being aro, something that had been stuck in my brain for well over a year. I've always been a HUGE romantic, and my 2nd favorite genre for just about anything is romance(1st is fantasy, cause it's just better), and I was really confused about it all. Well, the person I was talking to mentioned QPRs. They didn't really say a whole lot, but I'm still really confused, and the internet is NOT helping. need some help because I'm having a crisis here. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeeperz_ Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 QPRs are one of two things generally. There is a lot of variation, and that's probably why the internet isn't giving you many answers, so this is by no means exhaustive. Firstly, long term platonic partnerships. This is basically where you enter a long term partnership with a friend, doing a lot of things couples would do like buy a house together or even so far as have kids or get married together. The second is when you are in a relationship where you are both feeling alterous attraction. This is an attraction that is in the middle of romantic and platonic. If you have any more questions I'm happy to help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gray_acie Posted October 13, 2023 Author Share Posted October 13, 2023 14 minutes ago, Jeeperz_ said: QPRs are one of two things generally. There is a lot of variation, and that's probably why the internet isn't giving you many answers, so this is by no means exhaustive. Firstly, long term platonic partnerships. This is basically where you enter a long term partnership with a friend, doing a lot of things couples would do like buy a house together or even so far as have kids or get married together. The second is when you are in a relationship where you are both feeling alterous attraction. This is an attraction that is in the middle of romantic and platonic. If you have any more questions I'm happy to help! about the alterous attraction, could that be inbetween as in a physical attraction, but having no romantic feelings and just wanting friendship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeeperz_ Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 I'm not really sure, I think it can be a lot of things but it is only ever really described as between romantic and platonic. I would say if you're just having physically attraction and platonic attraction, it might just be an aromantic thing. I don't really experience physical attraction though so I might not be fully equipt to speak on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hemogoblin Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 You're probably confused because queerplatonic is specifically not defined. It's literally a queering of seeming/so-called platonic relationships. They are neither platonic nor romantic (at least not full either of those), but what they actually are is 100% up to the people in the specific qpr. That's it. It's wide open for you and your partner(s) to define amongst yourself. QPRs can include, but don't have to, and aren't limited to: Specific commitments Living together Coparenting A sexual component Prioritizing each other in your lives Sharing finances Cuddling Kissing A close level of physical intimacy Agreeing to consider each other in your future plans You can read more about the diversity of qprs from people in them here in this compilation and here from Siobhan. Queerplatonic is deliberately open in the spirit of what "queer" means - something other, something not defined. People often try to simplify it as "a committed friendship" to help people understand, but queer is not really meant to be understood. The point is that it's deliberately vague. 3 hours ago, Gray_acie said: about the alterous attraction, could that be inbetween as in a physical attraction, but having no romantic feelings and just wanting friendship? Alterous attraction is an emotional attraction. It describes a desire for emotional closeness that is either A) neither platonic nor romantic, or B) contains some element of platonic/romantic but thinking of it as platonic/romantic makes the person feel uncomfortable. Having physical/sexual feelings for your friend but just wanting friendship is just called being friends. The physical attraction might be sexual or aesthetic or sensual. Some friends are attracted to each other. Just because attraction exists doesn't mean it has to or will be acted on. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
who_knocks Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 On 10/13/2023 at 4:11 PM, Gray_acie said: about the alterous attraction, could that be inbetween as in a physical attraction, but having no romantic feelings and just wanting friendship? There's always options for a friends with benefits situation (there's probably a better term for it). If you are physically/sexually attracted to someone you can still be friends with no further definition if you want, or you and your friend(s) can make it part of your partnership and decide to define yourselves as a QPR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekaterina Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 (edited) I was just reading the topic about apparent controversial aspects of the term, that it apparently can be used to mean "the opposite of romantic" or "the opposite of sexual" or "the opposite of both". This topic on the contrary says it can mean anything as long as you consider it "not romantic and not platonic" but states the term says nothing about its relation to sexual. Also why it's "not platonic"? I can see that for romantic there are a lot of particular social standards/expectations, set patterns, but with platonic it isn't the case, like, platonic already means "anything that isn't romantic or sexual"? There aren't set patterns for platonic as well? So the only difference between QPR and regular platonic is that a QPR can optionally include sex? Would it be better if I simply don't use this term to avoid confusion? Like if I simply say "special non-romantic relationship", "special non-sexual relationship", "special non-romantic and non-sexual relationship"? And other more specific descriptions of situations, such as "non-romantic but loving marriage"? Is it okay? Edited February 4 by Ekaterina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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