How do I get my parents to stop?

[HelloThere]

Ok context first, I want my parents to just stop saying “that’ll change” everytime I make a comment saying I don’t want kids or to date. I’m aroace, I’m like 2 months since discovering myself and I’m pretty dang sure, I doubt it’ll change and I really hope it doesn’t because I don’t want to like people that way, it sounds pretty annoying and like some distraction to actual life. Is there any way I can get them to stop saying that without coming out?

[illumi]

have u tried calmly asking them to stop? if u did and its not working; i just rec a srs confrontation. say it to their face; tell them to stfu and stop acting like the boss over ur life; pretending that they know everything. parents tend to be knowitalls abt their children so sometimes harsher words should be able to snap them out of their silly fantasy 

[HelloThere]

8 minutes ago, LIVI0 said:

have u tried calmly asking them to stop? if u did and its not working; i just rec a srs confrontation. say it to their face; tell them to stfu and stop acting like the boss over ur life; pretending that they know everything. parents tend to be knowitalls abt their children so sometimes harsher words should be able to snap them out of their silly fantasy 

Calmly, not really, I’ve really just shown pieces of the evidence proving I don’t want to, and haven’t felt crap for people. If I pull out the proof so far and ask them to just not do that then they just leave with a “things will change” look and just ride along with it with a smirk on their face. If I decided to be more harsh that’d only go wrong, that’ll just provoke them and make them view me as less mature.

[illumi]

12 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

Calmly, not really, I’ve really just shown pieces of the evidence proving I don’t want to, and haven’t felt crap for people. If I pull out the proof so far and ask them to just not do that then they just leave with a “things will change” look and just ride along with it with a smirk on their face. If I decided to be more harsh that’d only go wrong, that’ll just provoke them and make them view me as less mature.

ah shit. idk then. since confrontation wont work i can only think of distancing urself from them or try to avoid talking abt anything romance related. if they try to bring the topic to u just give them a half ass reply and change the subject

[HelloThere]

45 minutes ago, LIVI0 said:

ah shit. idk then. since confrontation wont work i can only think of distancing urself from them or try to avoid talking abt anything romance related. if they try to bring the topic to u just give them a half ass reply and change the subject

That’ll definitely send a message, I might try that. Thought tbh my big mouth probably won’t stop dropping hints but I’ll do my best.

[SwiftySpeedy]

Maybe you could explain to them that there in denial about the fact their child does not want to involve themselves in a romantic relationship and once you tell them that they might understand or continue to run around in denial.

Hopefully it works but I'm not so sure.

[HelloThere]

6 minutes ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

Maybe you could explain to them that there in denial about the fact their child does not want to involve themselves in a romantic relationship and once you tell them that they might understand or continue to run around in denial.

Hopefully it works but I'm not so sure.

That could easily come off as provocative or mean, I’ll try to word that best but whenever someone snaps back, it gets easy for them to respond angrily. 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Just ignore them. It’s frustrating, I know, but ultimately what they say doesn’t have any bearing on your identity. You have nothing to prove. 

[HelloThere]

22 minutes ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Just ignore them. It’s frustrating, I know, but ultimately what they say doesn’t have any bearing on your identity. You have nothing to prove. 

Doubt tends to disagree, I really do try, but I can’t argue with a valid point. It feels irrational to say that it’s not gonna happen but I really don’t see my feelings changing, especially considering the waves of emotion and stuff that teenagers are supposed to feel have very obviously already come, and been devoted to my interests and political views instead. I mean the mere lack of interest in dating or romance says a lot, I asked them how many crushes they’d had before and they said like 4-5, I said 0. I’ve gained a lot of proof but I can’t share that without coming out and I can’t do that yet. I’ll try to ignore or respond by asking them to stop but it just annoys me.

[Balfrog]

I don't know how much this will help, but asking them what evidence they need might help. If they actually give you something you can do see if it works, but likely it will be something you can't do (such as they'll believe you if you're 40 or something).

After that, you should probably give yourself room to mourn that you can't convince them. Something like state your ideal, what reality is, and give yourself room to be sad and cry.

All in all, what other people believe is largely out of your control, the most you can do is plant seeds and nourish others, and lots of people don't treat respect what kids have to say.

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Here's the thing. OP you're like, what, 14? 15? For some reason, a lot of adults think that kids that age or younger are some sort of helpless idiots who can't possibly have or understand any life experience, and instead need to be told how things are by adults. (And like, yeah sure, you obviously aren't going to know as much in general as someone who's older and maybe shouldn't make permanent decisions like getting a tattoo or something, but that doesn't mean kids aren't the authorities on their own personhood). Chances are no matter how confident you feel, no matter how long it's been, no matter what "evidence" you present, they're not going to listen to you purely on the basis that they think teenagers are morons. 

That's why I'm saying you gotta ignore it. It's not worth the energy and stress to try to prove yourself to them, because chances are it's not going to be possible to do so, and more importantly, you don't need to. Other people's opinion has no bearing on your identity. You just gotta keep telling yourself, as Zaza herself once said, I am what I am. If they care enough, they'll come around when they decide you're old enough to qualify as a person (even though they really ought to respect you at any age). If not? Fuck 'em. It's your life, not theirs.

[HelloThere]

18 minutes ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Here's the thing. OP you're like, what, 14? 15? For some reason, a lot of adults think that kids that age or younger are some sort of helpless idiots who can't possibly have or understand any life experience, and instead need to be told how things are by adults. (And like, yeah sure, you obviously aren't going to know as much in general as someone who's older and maybe shouldn't make permanent decisions like getting a tattoo or something, but that doesn't mean kids aren't the authorities on their own personhood). Chances are no matter how confident you feel, no matter how long it's been, no matter what "evidence" you present, they're not going to listen to you purely on the basis that they think teenagers are morons. 

That's why I'm saying you gotta ignore it. It's not worth the energy and stress to try to prove yourself to them, because chances are it's not going to be possible to do so, and more importantly, you don't need to. Other people's opinion has no bearing on your identity. You just gotta keep telling yourself, as Zaza herself once said, I am what I am. If they care enough, they'll come around when they decide you're old enough to qualify as a person (even though they really ought to respect you at any age). If not? Fuck 'em. It's your life, not theirs.

They’re not trying to be mean about this but I have very little doubt they’re biased in that regard, I will try to see what qualifications they’d want to actually believe that I have no intention of marrying. Yes, I will try to not listen to that I just generally respect the input parents have, but no they definitely don’t dictate if I experience romantic/sexual attraction or not.

[HelloThere]

2 hours ago, Balfrog said:

I don't know how much this will help, but asking them what evidence they need might help. If they actually give you something you can do see if it works, but likely it will be something you can't do (such as they'll believe you if you're 40 or something).

After that, you should probably give yourself room to mourn that you can't convince them. Something like state your ideal, what reality is, and give yourself room to be sad and cry.

All in all, what other people believe is largely out of your control, the most you can do is plant seeds and nourish others, and lots of people don't treat respect what kids have to say.

I doubt I’ll cry or anything, yes I’d probably feel sad but I don’t seem to take emotional hits that much. I will definitely see what could possibly convince them.