Should I come out of the closet?

[Guest guest]

Hello, I wanted to ask you if you think I should come out of the closet. I am aroace and I have known it for quite some time. I'm tired of everyone shipping me with people and expecting me to date someone or at least have a crush, but that doesn't happen to me. So should I tell them that I'm aroace? I think that they could be supportive, but i don't really know. 

Thanks for reading :)

[HelloThere]

5 hours ago, Guest guest said:

Hello, I wanted to ask you if you think I should come out of the closet. I am aroace and I have known it for quite some time. I'm tired of everyone shipping me with people and expecting me to date someone or at least have a crush, but that doesn't happen to me. So should I tell them that I'm aroace? I think that they could be supportive, but i don't really know. 

Thanks for reading :)

If you want to come out of the closet, start by really checking if you're comfortable with it. Make a list of things you want them to know, things you want them to stop, and questions they may have. Do your best to prepare for those. Make sure that you check why you actually want that, what purpose is intended? It's a process I'd take very scientifically in my opinion, because every time I've done that without a plan I regretted it. Not because they weren't supportive, I just ended up communicating messages I didn't mean.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

#1 make sure it's safe to do so. Bring up the topic of the aspec community and gauge their reactions. As HelloThere said, if it's safe enough to come out, break down what you'd want to communicate and what boundaries you'd like to set. Also, check to make sure that this is something you actually want to do. I know you want to stop the harassment of being shipped with other people, or being asked about crushes and that expectation, but ask yourself if is this coming out is fully for you.

[Jedi]

If these are your friends, I think yes, do let them know. It does sounds like they are annoying you and are completely unaware of it. You don't even need to have a big sit down and go through what aromaticism means if you don't want to. (If you do want to do that, you can pic a specific trusted friend to talk to first, see how it goes) So, for friends who don't know or acquaintances you want to hang out with more, you could start with things like "I don't really get crushes" or "please don't ship me with people, if feels so weird." or "you know what, I don't actually want to date." That will set the expectations. Then you can go into aromanticism and details if you get follow up questions on that.

For people who are acquaintances or strangers where you just want to shut down all the date questions you can just go. "Dating isn't a priority for me" or "I'm not interested in that person." And be boring about it. Being boring shuts nosy people down faster than protesting does.

In my opinion, there isn't a huge need to actively hide being aro, or to pretend that you're not. That just gets complicated. Treat it like it is just one facet of who you are. Your surroundings are likely to follow suite.