Why can't I be in love with them?

[Lunar]

There's this one person. They are my type. Their kind, caring, affection, overall a good person. They love me in that way. But for some reason, I can't seem to reciprocate those feelings and it's frustrating. I want to be in love with them, I really do. 

I love them, but I don't love them. I love them in a different way from romantic love. And I feel so guilty about not feeling romantic love for them.

I love when we give affection to one another, and I love how we are close, and confide to each other. 

And I really want to have my heart flutter, but it rarely ever does. In fact, my heart has only fluttered for one person, and she never liked me back, but I still had feelings for her, and it was exciting being in love with someone I can't have, partly because it's forbidden, since she was taken. Most times my heart sped up from excitement, cause I guess believing I liked people I didn't really have a crush on was exciting, because I rarely ever seemed to get crushes, but my heart never really fluttered and I never got butterflies when around them, but I would get excited because I liked them in a different way. That's how it is for most people. And my heart doesn't flutter with this person. No butterflies for anyone but one person. And it's not my current partner.

And now I'm doubting something about my crush/falling in love with that girl, even though there's nothing to doubt.

Why can't I fall in love with my partner? Why can't I reciprocate these feelings? Why do I want to love her that way, but can't?

What is wrong with me?

Why am I broken?

[Guest]

I understand how you feel. I once had a girlfriend who had strong feelings for me, but unfortunately, I didn't share the same level of affection. I wish I had reciprocated her feelings, but I simply couldn't. If given the option to not be aromantic, I would choose it.

If you want to talk about it more feel free to message me (plus I need some friends lol)

 

[Lunar]

It's not fair.

[hemogoblin]

I have more I want to say, but I have limited time right now, so I'm going to go with the most important thing I want to say:

Would you call anyone other than yourself "broken" for being in such a situation? Would you call me broken if I had made a post like this? If not, why are you being so hard on yourself? Why do you think you're an exception to receiving kindness and support?

[Lunar]

On 4/28/2023 at 5:21 PM, hemogoblin said:

I have more I want to say, but I have limited time right now, so I'm going to go with the most important thing I want to say:

Would you call anyone other than yourself "broken" for being in such a situation? Would you call me broken if I had made a post like this? If not, why are you being so hard on yourself? Why do you think you're an exception to receiving kindness and support?

I would not call someone other than me "broken" if they were in my situation. I wouldn't call you broken at all. I don't know, I'm just hard on myself like this. I just don't feel i deserve kindness and support.

[nonmerci]

On 5/1/2023 at 1:15 PM, Eclipse said:

I just don't feel i deserve kindness and support.

Of course you deserve it!

And if you are not broken at all. You jusy love differently and that's OK! It is not is not less or more, it is just different. Just like, I don't know, an alloromantic person that is aplatonic and can love romantically but not platonically. It is jusy different kind of love, and diversity is great!

On 4/28/2023 at 1:50 PM, Eclipse said:

Why do I want to love her that way, but can't?

I can't answer for you but usually, this is because of amatonormativity : we are told we should love and that we should do it in one way, so we deal with self-hatred when we don't. But there is nothing to hate and there is nothing we should do. We feel what we feel ans there is nothing wrong about it.