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Types of Attraction


Peggy

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Ever since I realized I was grayromantic and ace, I've been really confused about the difference between physical and sexual attraction. I know that this is an aro forum and this topic may be better suited for an ace forum but I thought I'd ask here (since I'm not in an ace forum).

So, generally when I look it up, and when I'm reading books or whatever, it really seems like physical and sexual attraction are interchangeable. When you're sexually attracted to certain genders, those are the genders that you find attractive, etc etc. So why do I, as someone who is asexual, still find someone attractive? Never have I looked at someone and had sexual thoughts about them or wanted to do anything sexual with them, and yet there's definitely people who I just think are really attractive to the extent that I get a weird type of crush on them (definitely not sexual, but I don't think it's romantic either). And when I've brought it up somewhere else before, people just told me it was aesthetic attraction. But I don't think it is.

For more context - I very rarely view people as attractive. There are times when I will look at someone and I can tell why other people see them as attractive, but I myself just don't really care. And yet, there's some people who I do look at and see as attractive. Now, that can just be aesthetic attraction - except once or twice,  I've had a celebrity crush on someone. It's not like it was based off their personality at all, it was just someone who I liked looking at and I thought they were pretty. And moreover, as I've thought about it, it's not like it was a romantic crush. I would never actually want any romantic relationship or anything like that. I just liked looking at them, and it made me happy to look at them. More recently, I've found someone I go to school with as extremely attractive, and I just like to look at them, I really like their laugh and smile, they're just someone who I like seeing, meaning that it's not just celebrities or whatever, it can still happen with people who I know and are actually around me. So it's not romantic attraction, it's not aesthetic attraction (I don't know how to explain it, I know from the way I described it that it sounds like aesthetic attraction, but it's not), and it's not sexual attraction. Is physical attraction separate from any of these? I feel like that separation of physical attraction from other types of attraction is not at all discussed but...has this happened to anyone else? Do you think this type of physical attraction is different from sexual attraction?

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1 hour ago, Peggy said:

(I don't know how to explain it, I know from the way I described it that it sounds like aesthetic attraction, but it's not)

I've gone down a few rabbit holes reading about different types of attraction. Sometimes I feel more confident in my understanding & other times super confused. I think I've experienced something similar to what you describe & agree  it's not quite aesthetic attraction because it feels like more - stronger or something, but I do end up just thinking of it as a type of strong aesthetic attraction. The way I figure it - folks experience other types of attraction to different degrees anyway, so maybe it's similar.

I've also come across alterous attraction & other tertiary attractions & maybe one of them fits what you're experiencing. Have you looked into pseudoromantic perhaps? 

1 hour ago, Peggy said:

there's some people who I do look at and see as attractive. Now, that can just be aesthetic attraction - except once or twice,  I've had a celebrity crush on someone. It's not like it was based off their personality at all, it was just someone who I liked looking at and I thought they were pretty. And moreover, as I've thought about it, it's not like it was a romantic crush. I would never actually want any romantic relationship or anything like that. I just liked looking at them, and it made me happy to look at them.

I've experienced this minus the "crush" part & with the personality part - with both celebrities & people I've met. I think sometimes its just easier with folks in media rather than irl though since it's less odd to stare at screens than at actual people... 😉

No personal romantic feelings here, but, especially with tv, movie, book characters, (and even real people that aren't me) I definitely "ship" characters & thus identify as a(n)egoromantic.

Sorry that was sort of rambling thoughts since I'm pretty exhausted, but I am definitely interested in learning more/understanding types of attraction better, too.

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4 hours ago, Peggy said:

I've been really confused about the difference between physical and sexual attraction

You're confused because there really is no standardized definition of physical attraction. Allosexuals tend to use sexual and physical as synonyms. I have, however, heard from a couple of ace spectrum people who use it akin to something that is physical based but neither (or not fully) aesthetic nor sexual: as something separate that is based on physicality/felt physically.

The question is, would the term help you? Taking into consideration that allose folk will assume you just mean sexual attraction? If so, use it. If not, don't.

2 hours ago, Acearospec said:

& other tertiary attractions

I'll throw up this pretty great and thorough link to peek through.

4 hours ago, Peggy said:

So why do I, as someone who is asexual, still find someone attractive?

Probably not something people can really answer. We really still don't understand what all comprises the causation and development of identity at all still. Humans are still a pretty complex mystery! Feelings are weird. @_@

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I think physical attraction is sometimes used as an umbrella that more specific things like sexual, sensual, and aesthetic attractions. There also aren’t always distinct lines between types of attraction for everyone, so what you’re experiencing might not necessarily fit neatly into one box or another, or could be a combination. 

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