Fox Posted April 4 Share Posted April 4 Hi all, I want to talk about my platonic attraction and see if I fit into the aplatonic spectrum. First and foremost I apologize for the length of this post, there's a lot I want to talk about. To start, very rarely, I’ll feel a desire to be friends with someone I just met. It’s like a “we click” feeling and I want to further our relationship. So in that sense to do feel some platonic attraction. But with the friends and family I do have, I don’t miss specific people. I’ll feel lonely if I’m alone for too long but that threshold is very high, and I don’t know what it feels like to miss a specific person. I don’t initiate hang-outs that often either. I’m told I’m too distant/absent so I have to make a deliberate action to initiate, even when it doesn’t feel really natural to me. I still very much desire friends and family and human connection in general, and I deeply love them and don’t want to be without them. I enjoy hanging out with my friends most of the time, too, and I love physical affection. I just don’t seem to have that same consistent, internal drive to drive me to maintain a friendship with a specific person, and not a very strong one to initiate one either. And where would jealousy fall into this? I’ve only felt jealous once in my entire life. It was when my former-best friend became closer with another close friend of mine. We're all still friends, but I felt hurt. This makes me wonder if I do indeed feel platonic attraction towards my former-best friend. It’s difficult for me to sort out my feelings about her, but I know it feels weird for me to say “I miss you” to her, like I’m lying. (Note: we're long-distance.) I have had difficulty staying in contact with her for the past several years but we’ve managed to push through and still be friends. There are times when I want to be friends with her and hang out more, and there I times when I don’t. But that falls into a general feeling I sometimes get of not wanting to have friends, sometimes directed toward a specific person. I’ll elaborate on that. There are usually a few scenarios that lead me to desire to be solitary, which are 1.) there’s drama going on among my friends, and/or people are venting to me. It feels exhausting to feel like I have to take care of this person in that moment and I don’t always want to know everything that’s going on their life. It makes me wonder if friendships are really worth it. 2.) I hang out with them too much or on the wrong day. Sometimes I go through phases where I can’t stand to be around my friends, but I pretend everything is fine, and afterwards I feel this horrible sick feeling like I want to wrench something out of my body. It’s really confusing, and I don’t understand why I feel like that. I know I’d hate to be solitary most of the time because I’d get lonely, but sometimes I just can’t stand having bonds with people. Maybe it’s a mental/emotional thing I need to work through, I don’t know. So I’m wondering if I may be on the aplatonic spectrum, as I seem to fluctuate between mildly wanting to be friends with or be closer with someone, to feeling like every relationship is exhausting to maintain, and sometimes that it’s a repulsive thing in my life I need to get rid of. I will add that I find using the term "attraction" to describe my love for my friends a little uncomfortable. Even the word "platonic" I'm not so comfortable with. I just simply love them, that's it. What are your thoughts on my situation? Is there a word for fluctuating attraction? Or is it all just a mental problem I need to work through, like a fear of close relationships? Thank you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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