An experience a week ago I'll never forget. What are your thoughts and experiences on this (revised).

[Ted guy]

I wanted to do this post over with better details and explain in better details.

I have a job that enables me to meet a lot of new people.

When i meet a new girl and look at her, she is interpreting it differently than I expect.

Every time I'm around her, she will try more and more to get close to me. She will stare for me to catch her looking at my eyes......then she smiles.

It's just obvious green light to break the ice (dating is extremely loose where I come from)

The same girls will keep doing it.

----------------------------------

The same thing happened a week or two ago, and the girl literally jumped and got excited. She came towards me and tried to engage with me, but I got away.

Now when I see her, she is trying to get my attention (where as before, we would just walk past each other)

IT FLABBERGASTS ME

The whole point is....NON-AROS HAVE A MUCH DIFFERENT PERCEPTION ON NON-VERBAL CUES AND DATING

From my experience, eye contact appears to be powerful

-------------------

When someone looks at me, I always interpret they just want to chat, ask a question, or figure something out, etc.

But non-aro people seem to have a different perception that makes me uncomfortable.

I'm worried it could turn into something ugly.

Like imagine a scenario where they thought i was being creepy, they tell their boyfriend and I get confronted aggressively. ETC.

 

I am insecure about it, and that was the reason I got highly offended on my last post where someone was answering in a way that makes me look creepy (I'm sorry for this).

Has anyone ever encountered this problem? Different perceptions, etc?

 

Edited February 21, 2023 by Ted guy

[GoodbyeRepublicServices]

My god, this angers me. It's never happened to me, but something similar has. Almost two years ago now, I was at my job doing trash for the evening. I looked up randomly and this girl was staring directly at me, smiling a bit. She must have been having sexual thoughts about me. I was a little put off and gave her the resting bitch face while maintaining my distance. Granted, I had my hair spiked up in a way that looked complimentary I suppose, but still, what audacity she had to look at me like that, as if undressing me in her mind. The encounter lasted only a couple seconds, then I walked off and never saw her again.

 

As far as my thoughts on your experiences, it seems like ignoring these girls isn't working. If you only see the person once, no big deal, but if it's a recurring problem with a particular person, I'd walk up to them and say something like:

"Look, I don't know how you interpreted me looking at you, but there were no romantic/sexual undertones there. Please leave me alone."

[Ikarus]

Well this might help, don’t look at her for more than 5 seconds if she’s not talking to you. Oh and If she talks to you just be honest and make your intentions crystal clear. That’s about all I can add. And always remember you can’t control what others do, you can only control your response to others. 
 

 

One more quick question. Why did you look at her, or did you stare? You thought she was pretty? Just wondering… Ya know there’s a difference. Socially speaking IF, not saying you did but IF you stared for 20 seconds, thats tops, kind of a long time wouldn't you say, how long are we talking.  👀  

 

I can totally get why shes hounding you if you totally stared, I mean she probably thinks your madly in love with her but your too shy to speak with her. 

If you continue to avoid her it could make her even stranger because allos get something called hard to get attraction. If your out of reach then she will want you more. I would probably approach her if I where you so she doesn’t get her hopes up or get more attracted and do something strange like buy you chocolates but hey that might be nice actually without the romance haha.
 

 

Edited February 21, 2023 by Ikarus

[wjoy]

would explaining your concerns to her be an option? i mean you don’t need to tell everything but telling her you want to avoid misunderstanding seems like an easiest way to end it fast in a civil way if you don’t want to wait for the problem to disappear by itself 

[Atypique]

2 hours ago, Ikarus said:

If you continue to avoid her it could make her even stranger because allos get something called hard to get attraction

I personally think that this thing doesn't exist, but that may because I don't understand allos. 

Also, I'd say that two situations exist. She may be in the same situation as you and just staring at people to stare at people. Or she's willing to grow something between you. 

In both case, my reaction would be to just ignore her. If you never actually talked, then I would find really weird to just go to someone and say "just here to say that I'm interested" when she may not realize that the situation is ambiguous at all.

I haven't had anything entirely similar to your case, but I did have friends that wanted to be in a relationship with me when I didn't want to. I therefore have developed a huge paranoia to this kind of things. It's complicated because when you don't see signs you feel stupid and betrayed. But when you see signs, you feel egoistic and pretentious to think that everyone wants your butt

[Ted guy]

16 hours ago, Ikarus said:

Well this might help, don’t look at her for more than 5 seconds if she’s not talking to you. Oh and If she talks to you just be honest and make your intentions crystal clear. That’s about all I can add. And always remember you can’t control what others do, you can only control your response to others. 
 

 

One more quick question. Why did you look at her, or did you stare? You thought she was pretty? Just wondering… Ya know there’s a difference. Socially speaking IF, not saying you did but IF you stared for 20 seconds, thats tops, kind of a long time wouldn't you say, how long are we talking.  👀  

 

I can totally get why shes hounding you if you totally stared, I mean she probably thinks your madly in love with her but your too shy to speak with her. 

If you continue to avoid her it could make her even stranger because allos get something called hard to get attraction. If your out of reach then she will want you more. I would probably approach her if I where you so she doesn’t get her hopes up or get more attracted and do something strange like buy you chocolates but hey that might be nice actually without the romance haha.
 

 

That's a good question. She is pretty, but mostly I was trying to figure out who she was and why she is always around 2 spots of the building lol (upstairs to downstairs, leaving early).

I glanced at her and took my eyes away when she saw me. But she is definitely pretty though.

Really, it's quite fascinating.

I really like trying to figure out what they're thinking, as long as nothing gets taken the wrong way.

I would be heart broken if I ever made someone uncomfortable and didn't know it.

[Ted guy]

16 hours ago, wjoy said:

would explaining your concerns to her be an option? i mean you don’t need to tell everything but telling her you want to avoid misunderstanding seems like an easiest way to end it fast in a civil way if you don’t want to wait for the problem to disappear by itself 

Probably the right thing to do, I guess I'm worried about hurting feelings

15 hours ago, Atypique said:

I personally think that this thing doesn't exist, but that may because I don't understand allos. 

Also, I'd say that two situations exist. She may be in the same situation as you and just staring at people to stare at people. Or she's willing to grow something between you. 

In both case, my reaction would be to just ignore her. If you never actually talked, then I would find really weird to just go to someone and say "just here to say that I'm interested" when she may not realize that the situation is ambiguous at all.

I haven't had anything entirely similar to your case, but I did have friends that wanted to be in a relationship with me when I didn't want to. I therefore have developed a huge paranoia to this kind of things. It's complicated because when you don't see signs you feel stupid and betrayed. But when you see signs, you feel egoistic and pretentious to think that everyone wants your butt

Yeah I agree with you. I'm going to ignore it.

It's hard to develop an opinion when our perceptions are different. 

I really don't understand what's going on in other peoples' heads.

Attraction is an interesting thing. Now that I'm aware I'm aromantic, I never know what the other person is thinking. Unless they are being completely open, I expect they feel nothing