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Am I even aro?

Guest Anonymous


Guest Anonymous

I know aro-spec and ace-spec are spectrums, and can really encompass anyone for a lot of different reasons, but I feel like I’m just trying to shove myself into a community I don’t belong in. What if I think I’m aro and then change my mind and everyone thinks I was just lying for attention? I’m scared to be stuck in my decisions and not able to change. And I’m gonna be honest, I have a real issue with attention seeking, and needing to be special or different from other people. I have many queer friends, and I feel like I’ve been trying too hard to be especially liked by them.

But that’s not to say I’ve had no related experience with the aro/ace community. 
I’ve described all my wanted relationships to be like “friends that kiss” or “two friend that live in a house together and raise kids”. No one has been able to breach the friendzone with me lol. I also feel awkward or like I have to reciprocate people’s feelings when they confess to me. I confuse my platonic/romantic feelings with each other often, and have to contemplate whether I like-like someone or if I’m too invested in our friendship. I don’t like to be touched much at all, even by my family and friends, and I’m very annoyed/disgusted by romance and sex that’s any way related to me or not (like in shows or movies, if my friends and family’s and their significant others are kissing or be loving, or if someone asks for my number).

Sorry for the rant, and I honestly don’t know what answer I’m expecting from this, but just please give any advice you can think of regarding anything I said. Thank you so much. 

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Isn't it curious how it's always people of marginalized identities who are pressured to doubt and question themselves and wonder "but what if I'm faking being [queer]?" and "what if I'm invading where I don't belong?" and never cishethet folk being encouraged to think "but what if I'm faking being cishethet?" and "what if I'm missing out on being part of a community that would really get and support me because I've never even questioned if I'm actually the default identities society prescribed to me?"?

Anyway, there's really no such thing as being stuck with your decisions. Life is about growth and change. You can go through as many identity labels as you want. There's no limit. There's no line or trial period. There's no test or hazing process. Just you and what you want to explore and how you want to experiment.

There's also nothing wrong with needing attention. We all need attention. What's so bad about that? I see you! I hear you! You're valid! You are special! Thanks for being here with us and sharing your thoughts. You matter, and we care about you. =)

Edited by hemogoblin
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