The 'Sarah' problem (please help me)

[Guest fish n chips]

ok, so I've never had a crush on anyone in my life b4.
so there is this new person that joined our friend group. we'll call them Sarah. so, Sarah, they are cute, like really cute, and yes i 100% know that I am attracted to their appearance, so when a few days after I first met 'Sarah' i told myself that I would have a crush on them. And because I thought, "Oh look, I'm I'm normal I have a crush," I told my friends. it's been more than half a year and I don't think I have ever gotten nervous around them or had butterflies (apart from that one time that I forced it *I think* idfk) and the other day when I was heading to a class that we share I was excited to show them something and I found myself rushing to get to the class, so I slowed down and thought, ok, so am I excited to see them? am I excited to spend more time w them, but in reality, I just wanted to show 'Sarah' the thing... 
and keep in mind that I hold their hand, and I hug them and we are close and akdfowiejf they might like me ??? idek but I've never dated anyone, and they have so hhh
and tbh I'm just very scared, I don't want to be aro. at all, my friend talked to me about maybe being demi, but it doesn't feel right, and tonight was one of those looking on google for answers for my sexuality and I learned what a squish was, so maybe it's a squish?
I just know that I want to have a romantic relationship w someone, I want to kiss someone, I want to fall in love w someone and live together.... aoijdsoidjfe sounds dumb but wjeofkjsd
questioning is dumb and takes too long somebody, anybody helps me 🥺🙏

[Acecream]

hey. it's totally fine to be confused and scared. I can't tell you if you are aro or not, that's something you have to discover yourself. but let me tell you that being aromantic doesn't necessary mean that you'll never have a romantic relationship if you desire one. it also doesn't mean that you are not allowed to kiss people. you don't have to be in love to kiss people or to be in a relationship with people or to live together with people. it just has to be consensual :) sure, for a lot of people being aromantic effects a lot of how we live, what we think, how we interact with other people etc. but it doesn't make all the things you mentioned (except maybe falling in love, but that also depends on where on the arospec you are, bc some Aros do fall in love) impossible. 

Attraction is not action and both, attraction and action, can exist without the other one.

also, to the "I don't want to be aro" part: I remember how scared I was when I first discovered I may be aromantic. I remember how much I wished to be alloromantic and it still does hurt me sometimes to be aro. but being aro is not that bad :):) it's a romantic orientation that is just as precious as every other romantic orientation, even if it might feel very lonely sometimes. there are a lot of wonderful things you can learn bc of aromanticism. it can be beautiful.

I wish you all the best, with or without Sarah

 

[Cloud]

oh I've been there. the "sexually attracted to someone so I told everybody I had a crush so I could feel that I'm like everyone else". 100% has happened to me. I even told my parents about it

as acecream has said, I can't tell you if you are aro or not but you should look up queer platonic relationships. you may not fall in love with sarah but you can attempt to have that kind of relationship with them. also, you can do "romantic" things like hugging or kissing without being romantically attracted to them. 

I know aromantic is a hard romantic orientation and there isnt a lot of information about it, but things will get better. I was scared when I found out too and there are hard days because I'm still figuring things out (I discovered it only some months ago), but aromanticism has also make me value a lot more platonic and familial love. I know that in this society being in love romantically with someone seems like the best that could happen to you, but there are A LOT of wonderfull kinds of love that are also beautiful and worth your time and energy

[Guest fish n chips]

hi :) it's me again, I just want to say if you two would somehow come back to this question, thank you. I have finally figured out what label I want to use, and I want to thank you two for taking the time out of ur day or night to answer me.

I know that it might not make much sense to the question but the label I found is called cupioromantic :)

I know that you probably haven't heard of it because it is a micro-label but I am just so happy to finally stop questioning lmao

the whole 'not happy with being arospec' hasn't set in yet, but I'm sure I can handle it. my label might be sad, but it's me, and I find sercutatey in the flag, and the definition so I'm learning to be grateful.

but thank you, truly.

🥰🏳️‍🌈❤️🤗

[nonmerci]

Oh cupioromantic is a well-known label in the aro community, don't worry. Outside of a-spec communities though people probably don't know.

Glad you found out your label !

[Guest fish n chips]

Haha yea I had only learnt about the label a few days b4 writing this so I didn't know it was actually known in the community, I didn't think many people knew about it haha

also just noticed my spelling mistake 😅 aw well

but thank you!! means a lot/gen