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I don't see myself in the aro spec people in media


Guest MerriBerri
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Guest MerriBerri

The first time I though I might be in the aromantic spectrum was in 2020, but back then I was still struggling with my bi-imposter syndrome so I just ignored the suspicions and moved on with my life. 

It's been a few weeks since I finally accepted that I fall on the spectrum, and for a while I was super confident in my identity, but as I began to search for aromantic content, I started to doubt myself. The little representation I found didn't really match my experiences, and while I know that aspec people's experiences vary a lot, I started to doubt myself. 

I know how romantic love is supposed to work, since media is full of it, and so I cannot relate to the aspec people who struggled to grasp the concept. And while many aspec people say they never experienced crushes, I can't say the same for certain, since I was very adamant on labeling almost any strong feelings towards the opposite (or later on, same) gender as a crush, and looking back I'm no sure how many of those crushes were genuine...

I think I'm romance favourable (date activities seem fine to me), and maybe grayaromantic (I'm not sure yet), and I can't help but feel like I'm just making this up, that I'm calling myself aro when I'm not just to feel cool... I know it's irrational and I genuinely think that gray,-and or romance favourable aros are totally valid, it's just that I haven't heard many stories from those people, since the few times aromantic people are shown on media they're either romance repulsed/indefferent and almost always aro/ace. 

I'd like to hear from people whose experiences are even a bit like mine, it would be nice to know that I'm not alone. 

 

 

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I relate to the idea that almost all of the representation is aro/ace. that is certainly understandable as a reason for it to be less relatable to me.

One thing that i do wonder though is how much non aro people relate to romance in media. my suspicion is that a lot of people don't find a reasonable idea of romance in media. There was a post about that a while back. so if romance in media is off what reality gives us, and depictions of aromanticism tend to focus on that person's reaction to romance, its going to be difficult for me to relate an aromantic character, because that ideas they have to deal with are so detached from how things happen in reality.

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I knew I wasn't the only one who felt this way. You're right that any aromantic representation we see (and there is next to none of it), tends to be of romance repulsed aroaces who have never experienced crushes. While it's better than nothing, it's also not great for those of us whose experiences aren't like that. For example, I'm demiromantic, romance ambivalent, and I have had two crushes in my life. I also don't label my sexuality. For a while, partly because of the lack of arospec representation, I thought that I just hadn't found the right person yet. And then when I finally did realise I was aromantic, I was in denial about the fact that I was also demiromantic to try and fit the "ideal" aromantic experience... So yeah, needless to say, you're definitely not alone here.

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It's taken me a long time to accept I was arospec for the above reasons. I really want to see more romantic love stories with arospec characters but I'm scared the aro community will hate it and accuse of it not being "real representation" despite said experiences fitting me to a T.  

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On 8/8/2022 at 10:48 PM, roboticanary said:

One thing that i do wonder though is how much non aro people relate to romance in media. my suspicion is that a lot of people don't find a reasonable idea of romance in media. There was a post about that a while back.

I've seen this talked about here. To be fair, I never expected romance in media to be highly relate to most non-aro folks.

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