aromantic with no aroace benefits?

[Guest littlecrybaby]

I am asexual and aromantic but I have A LOT of aesthetic, platonic and sensual attraction. It feels like I am aroace but without the privilegue of never having feelings for anyone.

I get squishes on people I shouldnt, I get sensually attracted to people I shouldnt or dont want to get attracted to, aesthetic attraction is making me become nervous and stumble over my words, I get jealous if other people get more attention from my squishes than me but actually I dont want them to like me more than everyone else, because that would be weird too.

I can relate with allos a lot but never fully, because yes, I want to touch him but not in that way, yes I want her to kiss me but without feelings, yes I want to look at them all day and talk to them all the time and I want them to like me too but not that way. Its like I neither belong to allo nor aro, even though Im aromantic.

Attraction can be a nice feeling but on the other hand its also extremly frustrating and I dont know how to deal with it.

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

I mean I do too, but I wouldn't call not experiencing those things a "privilege", considering how much our society pushes the idea that not feeling x thing = inhuman and evil...

[espop]

As someone who doesn't experience that much attraction, that seems pretty frustrating and I'm sorry. 

Maybe try thinking of other benefits to being aroace. From what I've seen (I could be very wrong), the a-spec community jokes about being immune to attraction and that kind of stuff, but I think it's mostly because people who don't understand it think that there's something wrong with it and that's our way of pushing back or taking back the narrative. 

I love being aroace because I don't feel any pressure to get married, or find the right one. I'm not worried about having to deal with messy break ups or cheating or anything like that.

My life is solely reliant on me. I feel like so many people wait to be in a long term relationship to start their lives but not me! I choose my own timeline. I'm not waiting for anything or anyone I can't control. It's all up to me. It's my life and will always be my life. I can stay in my parents house until I'm thirty and won't have to work while I'm in college if I want. I don't have to worry about finding people to date, or feeling lonely because I'm single. It's pretty freeing when I think of it like that. 

I don't really have an advice on what to do with your attraction, but I hope this is helpful anyway.

[Holmbo]

On 7/7/2022 at 2:25 AM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I mean I do too, but I wouldn't call not experiencing those things a "privilege", considering how much our society pushes the idea that not feeling x thing = inhuman and evil...

I would consider it a perk. The downside is peoples reaction like you said. But the upside peace of mind from certain longing.