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HELP I'm in a forced romantic relationship and can't get out!? Am I crazy??? What do I do??


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Guest Anonymous

TW: self-hate...? idk

I actually feel sick inside. Like, physically nauseous. I hate all of this so much.

To preface this, I have (diagnosed) generalized anxiety disorder, which makes this incredibly hard for me. It's no excuse, but I can't pretend it's not a part of this or that it isn't important.

I don't want to explain exactly how, because it's incredibly hard to even write this much, but I'm in a relationship right now with one of my ex-friends. But I haven't texted them for weeks now because--the reason I'm dating them, too-- I was forced to ask them out when I didn't want to, and they--because apparently the universe hates me-- "reciprocated". If I had kept saying I didn't like them and we were just friends, I would just keep getting harassed more and more by my classmates, and I just wanted it to stop, like have them "reject" me or something, but nope, apparently they like me "back" and that just makes me feel sicker and like a horrible human being. The constant teasing and poking and prodding stopped, but at the same time everything has gotten worse. Ugh god I need more explanation for this, well, so now I’m not near these people anymore, but once again I was forced to date her because – also a very long story – she would ghost me if I didn’t tell her who others claimed had a crush on her. This was all part of a huge scheme to make me "confess", and I was scared of losing her, so I said it was me. Yada yada you get this gist. 

But I just can’t do it anymore. I can't pretend. At first, I thought maybe it was just because it was my first relationship, after all, my mom says everyone is super uncomfortable at first, yeah? Maybe everyone was right, I thought, why not give it a try!? Well obviously I'm on this forum now, so the try backfired horribly, turns out I'm aro. The very reason I accepted that I would have to date her was to not lose her, but I have anyway, because now texting her, seeing her, calling her, even just casually, it all makes me sick and feel disgusting deep down, and I hate it. I feel like a horrible person but I hate this.

I'm so terrified. I don't know what to do. And you know what?? I just gave into being a horrible person! I thought maybe if I ghosted them long enough I would be safe, they would forget about me, and I could move on and pretend none of this stuff ever happened, none of this stuff happened. Stuff that will probably haunt me for years

And I have for a month now, but they keep texting me anyway. They just texted me saying "This song reminds me of you <3" and it's innocent. It's meant to be nice. Consoling. Instead, I'm a piece of soggy cereal and had a near panic attack, like it triggered my fight or flight, everything felt like it was caving in, all dark and hopeless. I'm terrified and what's worse is it's ALL MY FAULT. I just wish they would forget about me.

And I wish I could just text them "I'm breaking up with you" and be done with it! Accepting I'm a piece of moldy dog food, throwing away all my friendship and memories, and all the people I have that I know through them (you know, all my only friends) and just be done with it. But I can't. Every time I do I feel my eyes glaze over, my limbs start shaking, I'm the bad person, aren't I? What have I done! Forums everywhere say "Don't text them, call them" or "Don't call them, that's just as bad, do it in person" but that makes me want to curl up in a ball and sink into the floor forever. I hate anxiety. I can't do that! Imagine; I'll start crying and hang up or run away to a place I can lock the door and escape them before I can get a word out because I'm so scared of all the worst case scenarios, like them yelling at me that they've always hated me, hating me for leading them on, all things justified but I'm too selfish to let myself hear. 

I feel and probably sound like a lunatic. But it's the truth. 

I know maybe this won't get any responses, or you won't know what to do either, but really, I'm just... I'm so confused. I need an outlet maybe. I wish someone would help me but I don't expect anything at this point. Why would I let this happen. I don't know what to do. What can I do? What is the right decision? I just... ugh. I'm sorry. 

 

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I've been there. Get thy ass out of that relationship right now. Fuck everybody else, doesn't matter what they think, you need to do what's right for you or it's only going to get worse. You need to pull the bandaid off and just break up with them.

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5 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

What can I do? What is the right decision?

I feel for you. This sounds like a traumatic situation -- one that could cause PTSD, perhaps.

I don't know the right decision for you, but I can advise you this:

If you fear that they'll hate you, you could explain the underlying causes for why you "lead them on" (what you described here). That might make them understand better. After that, break up.

Obviously, don't do that before you've built up the courage, but at some point, your hatred for your anxiety may force you to explain this stuff to that person. Please, don't spend the rest of your life in the hell you've created for yourself.

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I felt the same way in one of my relationships, its better to not be dragging it on. Put your afterburners on and get yourself out of that relationship, you have the power to get yourself out. 

 

You just have to talk to her, tell her your aromantic. 

 

Hope this helps.

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I agree with the others saying get out. It sounds like that relationship is not healthy for you and you need to ask yourself how to deal with that.

On 5/11/2022 at 1:07 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

Forums everywhere say "Don't text them, call them" or "Don't call them, that's just as bad, do it in person"

look, you don't need to do that. Sure, some ways of ending a relationship are generally seen as easier for the person you are ending the relationship with, but its not 'bad' to end a relationship that way. 

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Honestly it doesn’t sound healthy for you and in this situation that is what is more important, if they actually care for you the will respect your preferred relationship boundaries, and if they don’t then they weren’t good enough to be your friend anyway. I was in a forced romantic relationship once and it sucked I’m sorry you have to go through that. 

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