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Might be aro, struggling with it


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Hello. I used to actually identify as aroace when I was a teenager, but haven't done so in years because I went through therapy and realized that I was struggling with my sense of sexuality as a gay trans person raised Christian with a history of sexual trauma. However, I started dating someone 2 1/2 years ago, and after many tearful conversations where he stated over and over that I just don't seem to have the same level of investment as him and that I struggle with being romantic, I've finally realized that maybe I am aromantic after all. Specifically, I would call myself cupioromantic. I tried talking with him last night about it over text (without ever calling myself aromantic) and we're both pretty upset by this, so I'd gladly welcome any advice or input or encouragement. I'm hoping talking to others will help me and him.

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Hi arotr.

Unfortunetly, theres no easy answers. I have been in a similar situation, in that my ex thought she was more invested than me, and I wasnt very romantic. I dont really have any advice for you, other than to continue being honest with your partner. As someone who didnt realise he was Aro until after the relationship ended, knowing earlier could have saved a lot of hurt. Probably not what you want to hear.

I will say that the relationship doesnt nessercarily need to end, but seems like it will need to change. How it changes will be upto you and your partner, and what you're both happy with.

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