How do I fully accept im aromantic and will likely never end up in a romantic relationship?

[Anonymous]

When I found out I was aromantic, it kinda hurt a bit tbh. As someone who loves romance stories and would love to get married, and realizing I probably just wont due to a near complete lack of romantic attraction and interest in people. Technically, I'd be grayromantic, but I've only felt romantic attraction once in my whole life so I just call myself aro anyways. I really, really wanna love someone romantically, but I just physically can't and it hurts. I know its barely been a month since the discovery but still... It feels a bit isolating, especially since even if I find someone nice enough, I probably won't be attracted to them in the way they'd want me to be. (I am also asexual) 

[jjaee_jaee]

i'm so sorry to hear you're struggling with this, i'm also new to being aro, and what has helped me is thinking about what i think i want from a relationship, such as skinship and comfort etc., it's different for everyone. while you may not experience romantic attraction, you could be in a queer platonic relationship which (depending on who is in the relationship) could include everything in a traditional romantic relationship minus the actual romantic part. society itself has molded us to think of certain things as purely romantic things, hugs and so on, which can harm us aro folks as it seems that a lot of doors have closed, but they havent! 

it's always going to be tricky especially when you enjoy romance stories etc. (i do too, its hard!) but just remember, you are you, and you are the only one holding your reigns back, try to remove things traditionally perceived as romantic from being out of bounds, and maybe keep an eye open for queer platonic relationships (QPRs) as they miht be just the thing you're looking for!

best of luck! (^^)

[Guest Alex]

You could be cupioromantic! Cupioromantic individuals experience little to no romantic attraction and desire a romantic relationship.

[merlindfluorite]

I completely sympathise, I went through a similar thing. For me, what really helped was focusing on the other relationships in my life. My most important friendships are stronger than ever, my community is growing, I'm taking every opportunity to connect with people & get involved in projects. It's helped me realise that the spouse-shaped hole that I was afraid of isn't so important.

[Terra Branford]

My experience is very similar to yours. I taught that I would end up in relationship, married, and feel all these things once I got to a certain age. I kept waiting for that to happen but it never did. And the one time it did, the circumstances surrounding it killed it before it started. So I have just kind of been drifting for the last decade or so. It does suck but I just try to live in reality. I'm not really interested in having relationships just to have them so I doubt being in QPP would work for me. I know how I felt when I liked someone and wanted to be in a relationship with them and I won't settle for anything shorter than that. I also try to uncondition all the things I learned about love and romance and decenter it from my life because it's not natural for me. I try to focus on friendships with people and search for those who think similar to me. I embrace my own company and am hard core into self care. I just live my life as if I won't find it and relinquish all expectations so I can give myself some kind of peace. 

[nonmerci]

At first I identified as greyro, partly because I thought I was but also because it was easier to accept for me than a full "never".

What also helped me was discussing with other aros and realizing thanks to them that ppeople don't need romance to be happy, that other relationships can be as fulfilling, and that a big part of why I wanted a romantic relationship was due to societal expectations. The other big part was children but there are alternatives, though they are harder for single people.

 

I think it is a bit like mourning the life you won't have : there are sadness, anger, but in the end, acceptation. And now I even like being aro, I can't see myself any other way.

Edited August 18, 2022 by nonmerci