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hi! i've only come out to my friends as aro-spec recently (i'm other parts of LGBTQIA+ and they know this) and because i'm aro-spec i feel as if they're kind of brushing it off in a way? we are all LGBTQIA+ in my group and accept one another but i feel that because no one else is aro/aro-spec they don't really care about me coming to terms with a big part of my identity. some of them also make strange comments that seem to be jokes but at my expense, i know they don't mean any harm but i'm still fresh to this part of me and can't really handle any comments knocking me down. has anyone else felt this way before? any tips? any help would be really appreciated! thank you!! (^^)/

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Hello!

 

Unfortunately, I think it can be a little bit hard for alloromantic folks (i.e. not on the aromantic spectrum) to understand the nuances of aromanticism. It's kind of foreign, I find, just like romantic attraction feels to me as an aromantic person. I've had similar experiences/concerns in the past - alloromantics and aromantics just have a disconnect of sorts in the way we experience/view romantic attraction. Honestly, whats helped me the most is talking to other aromantic/aro-spec folks and hearing their experiences. It can be tough when you can't relate to your friends or feel they don't relate to you. But keeping in mind that we live in a society that normalizes amatonormativity is really crucial, too. When romance is held so highly, we can lose sight of the fact that not all of us experience romance in the same way, if at all. 

 

That's why places like this forum are so important! I think having a community of folks who share one or more identity with you can be really helpful, especially when you're just figuring things out. 

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A lot of people (predominantly alloallo people) sadly treat aromanticism like a joke, I for one blame ace discourse on tumblr.

As for tips, I'd recommend asking them to stop with the jokes, if they support you they'll understand that they're harmful to you, your identity is just as important as theirs. (also, if they're not aro then it's not their place to joke about aromanticism? they should know better, especially if they're part of the community)

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thank you guys so much, i’ve been struggling with this topic for a while and hearing that i’m not alone is really helpful. i’ll ask them to stop with the jokes, and keep your points in mind! thank you so much, it really means a lot to know people like me can thrive!

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update, if anyone was interested; it went really well! i asked them to stop over text and they apologized and promised to educate themselves, i gave them his forum to brush over if they have any questions and its all going swimmingly, thank you again for pushing me to do this!

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