am i aro or do i have relationship anxiety

[raimusquinn]

i accidentally posted this in welcome, sorry for that

so, i'm not sure if i fall on the aromantic spektrum. I've had some crushes in the past and i'm pretty sure they were real crushes and no squishes, but after some time i get this really bad, kinda nervous and panicky feeling, and idk if it's because i'm afraid i'll loose feelings or if thats because i'm aromantic. i've had one relationship where i lost feelings pretty quick but we stayed together for quite a while because i was too afraid to break up with her. has anyone got any advice for me?

[roboticanary]

Not sure which you are. 

You talk about a nervous feeling, but don't know why you get that feeling. That sounds like something you should try to work out. Sadly I can't help you work that out because its your feelings.  But perhaps understanding why the feeling arises will help you.

As for other advice, staying with someone because you are too afraid to break up isn't going to serve you well. I know, not the most incredible of advice but hopefully something useful. Hopefully now you have had the courage once that will be something you are more comfortable to do in future.

[Ikarus]

You could be lithoromantic. Here is a helpful page on the orientation. https://aromantic.fandom.com/wiki/Lithromantic
 

Why do I say this? You said you where afraid of losing those feelings. You also said that you lost those feelings pretty quick. Litho people lose romantic feelings pretty quickly after entering a romantic relationship. They can feel crushes, or desire people romantically but once those feelings are reciprocated, litho people lose interest.

I agree with Roboticanary, look into your panicky feeling. Although theoretically this feeling could make some sense with a litho who has conflicting feelings. Interest while not being in relationship, and disinterest while being in one is an interesting situation that can possibly invoke a panicky feeling I suppose . Especially if this hypothetical litho doesn’t realize reciprocation triggers disinterest. 

Im just over using my specmatron at this point. Maybe my speculation will helps you in some way.

Anyway, I’m not litho so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Um… that’s all I have to say, happy identity travels to ya!

[Hellishfish]

Aromantic relationships function in a different way than typical. Of course you'd lose feelings for your partner if those romantic feelings were never there or only very weak. That isn't a problem, that's who you are. The problem arises when you need to ask yourself how you care for your partner. You don't have any romantic feelings to reciprocate, so do you fill that gap with another type of reciprocation? Such as emotional support, gift giving, physical care, or one of their other love languages? You may not feel any desire to fill the romantic void, and that's fine. Just ask yourself if this is a person you want to stay attached to, and if the answer is yes, then discover what you need to do to fill that void. 

[raimusquinn]

On 4/14/2022 at 12:07 AM, roboticanary said:

Not sure which you are. 

You talk about a nervous feeling, but don't know why you get that feeling. That sounds like something you should try to work out. Sadly I can't help you work that out because its your feelings.  But perhaps understanding why the feeling arises will help you.

As for other advice, staying with someone because you are too afraid to break up isn't going to serve you well. I know, not the most incredible of advice but hopefully something useful. Hopefully now you have had the courage once that will be something you are more comfortable to do in future.

thank you, i'll try that :) it took me a huge amount of courage to break up with my ex-girlfriend but it felt better afterwards

On 4/14/2022 at 7:19 AM, Ikarus said:

You could be lithoromantic. Here is a helpful page on the orientation. https://aromantic.fandom.com/wiki/Lithromantic
 

Why do I say this? You said you where afraid of losing those feelings. You also said that you lost those feelings pretty quick. Litho people lose romantic feelings pretty quickly after entering a romantic relationship. They can feel crushes, or desire people romantically but once those feelings are reciprocated, litho people lose interest.

I agree with Roboticanary, look into your panicky feeling. Although theoretically this feeling could make some sense with a litho who has conflicting feelings. Interest while not being in relationship, and disinterest while being in one is an interesting situation that can possibly invoke a panicky feeling I suppose . Especially if this hypothetical litho doesn’t realize reciprocation triggers disinterest. 

Im just over using my specmatron at this point. Maybe my speculation will helps you in some way.

Anyway, I’m not litho so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Um… that’s all I have to say, happy identity travels to ya!

that could actually be me, i think i could be a strange mixture between lithoromantic and cupioromantic haha

On 4/16/2022 at 1:00 AM, Hellishfish said:

Aromantic relationships function in a different way than typical. Of course you'd lose feelings for your partner if those romantic feelings were never there or only very weak. That isn't a problem, that's who you are. The problem arises when you need to ask yourself how you care for your partner. You don't have any romantic feelings to reciprocate, so do you fill that gap with another type of reciprocation? Such as emotional support, gift giving, physical care, or one of their other love languages? You may not feel any desire to fill the romantic void, and that's fine. Just ask yourself if this is a person you want to stay attached to, and if the answer is yes, then discover what you need to do to fill that void. 

that's a cool option, thank you! i've also considered a qpr because you can't "loose feelings" for friends that quickly but unfortunately i don't know any other aros in my area ;-;