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Labels and People's Perception


Guest Citrus
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Guest Citrus

Hello! I've identified as asexual bi-romantic for a long time now, but recently I've started to question that. I want to have a relationship, but I've never had crushes or anything. I think I may be on the aromantic spectrum, but if I start telling people I'm aroace, that may send a message to others that I don't want a relationship. I feel like that's a bad thing, because in theory there will be a point where I do develop a relationship with someone. At least that's what I want, but in my day-to-day I don't get attracted to people like that. I'll find people aesthetically attractive, but I know that's a different thing. Do I necessarily have to be romantically attracted to someone to form a relationship with them, or is there a way to have a closer-than-friends bond without the romantic connotation? Also, are there any identities out there that better fit what I'm describing? 

Thanks.

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Maybe you should consider queer-platonic relationships (or QPR)? It is can be described as a relationship as strong as romance is supposed to be in intensity, but there are no romantic components on the nature of the relationship. Don't know if I explain it well but basically, it is a strong bond, but not a romantic bond.

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As @nonmerci said, queerplatonic relationships are something you might want to look into. Another term you could look into is aegoromantic. It means a person who enjoys romance or has romantic fantasies, but doesn't feel romantic attraction.

Additionally, you can label yourself as greyromantic (AKA grey aromantic) or aromantic-spectrum to be less specific.

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Cupioromantic might fit.

Also yeah, I feel that, I identify as aromantic and I'm pretty open about it. Also possibly open to romance but I'm afraid that people assume I'm not interested at all knowing I'm aromantic.

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I have kinda the same thing going on, in that what labels I use personally and what labels I use publicly are slightly different. I'm grey-aromantic, and have had crushes on both sexes. But try explaining the grey area to the general public, you'll be met with disbelief and arguments. So my public label is probably going to be biromantic once I come out as that (if ever), even though that isn't entirely accurate and even though I don't intend on dating, ever. (I am already out publicly as asexual.)

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Just as a different perspective, when people ask about what I am I generally start with queer.

Aromantic is a label that really works for me personally, finding it was like taking a weight off my shoulders, so was bisexual, out & proud. But generally I stick with queer because I don't want other people putting me in one of their boxes. I get that if I was trying to find a partner that I might need to put a bit more out there - but I'd never worry about switching up my language to better get someone to understand what I am by their references - I'm queer, I'm gay, I'm unavailable, I'm not quite human like you - I have used all these things with different groups of people.

And then of course where it's not safe to be out, I go with the trusty old not really looking for anything right now.

If you're looking for deeper bonds with people, that is unfortunately as hit & miss as most other types of relationships. You can only be sure of your own boundaries, communicate as well as you can, & keep meeting new people. But QPRs exist, good people are out there, so don't give up hope!

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