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I don't know what I'm feeling and it's confusing me


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Hi!

I would like to start with saying that I'm not very familiar with this forum, as I have not been very active here. But it's the best place I can think off to ask my question and hopefully get some answers. I hope I'm posting in the right part.

Now, to my question(s).

Well, I am so confused about myself, and what emotions I'm experiencing. I've quite recently moved to a large city, after moving outside a much smaller city earlier, and I have quickly made multiple close friends. Especially two that I'm very close with. I also have some close friends from before, again two that I'm very close with. Now, the problem is that those are the four friends I've been closest to, and I'm not sure what kinds of emotions I'm experiencing. Is it just strong platonic? Or could it be romantic? I have no idea. I used to think I'm aromantic, but now I'm thinking I might be demi. But it all depends on what I'm feeling, and I don't know what I'm feeling.

I know that I would like to have a partner. If it's a romantic one or a queerplatonic one, I don't know what would be the best. Again, depends on what the different things actually are. Also, I don't exactly want to have a partner right now, as I'm currently struggling with my mental health and wouldn't want that to get between a relationship. Is that even how it works? And yes, I realise that asking questions about romantic attraction to a bunch of aromantic people might seem weird, but I hope there are others out there that might understand a bit of what I'm going through, and I think they might also be around here.

I do have thoughts about being romantically involved with those friends, but is that because media has brainwashed me into thinking that's how I should feel? Am I actually just not used to having close friends, and can't identify platonic love as what it is? I don't think I'm alloromantic, since I don't fee any of those things towards people that I'm not already friends with. But then, I'm just comparing it to what I've observed in other people, other allosexual alloromantic people. And I'm like 99% sure I'm asexual all the way. So what if what I've observed in others is just sexual attraction?

This might not have made a lot of sense, but I hope it's understandable. I just really needed to get this out, and now I should go to bed.

On a less confused note (hope this is okay as an ending even though it's technically off-topic), the new Batman movie is so good and Pattinson did the role amazingly. Which I know because I just got home from the cinema, where I watched it with one of those four friends. And yes I spent some time during the movie thinking about what the fuck feelings are. Oops.

Sincerly
A confused dragon dx

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  • 2 weeks later...

The line between romantic and platonic is very vague. Have you seen the concept of relationship anarchy smorgasbord? If not you should look that up and think about which activities you'd like to do with each of your friends. If there are new activities you're not currently doing then if you feel up for it you can bring it up with them.

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I don't know if this works for everyone but it's a trick that has worked for me: 

If you're really confused on weather what you feel is romantic or just the pressure of an amanormative society take a bit to imagine, like really imagine, being romantic. Like think of the person all the things you like about them. Then really imagine yourself doing romantic things with them like going on dates and referring to them as your girlfriend/boyfriend/partner. Take whatever your very first, initial reaction/feeling to that is, and believe that. Usually I find that the true feeling shows itself before the expectation or outside pressure does.

I don't know how helpful that is but yeah. It's a really difficult thing but keep your head up! You've got this. :)

 

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