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Is it normal to not understand other asexuals?


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I mean it’s not because i hate other asexual people or find them weird, i’m asexual as well. But as an aegosexual i don’t always understand the heavily repulsed asexuals who thinks sex and nudity is disgusting, horrifying and barf barf barf. I’m a very kinky person, i have tons of sexual fantasies, i can laugh at sexual dirty jokes and i don’t find nudity or sex wrong or disgusting. I find it aesthetically beautiful and attractive, but i’m asexual cause i’m repulsed by the thought of myself having sex or doing kinky sexual activities with people in real life. 

 

It’s a bit hard and i feel lonely because i feel stupid for not understanding the heavily repulsed asexuals, but at the same time i’m like “i’m not stupid, i just don’t fit as the stereotypical asexual”

I wish there were aegosexual people like me who could understand how i feel, cause i’m more repulsed by romance, relationships and marriage(only the thought of myself being involved in a romantic relationship/marriage. It’s not like i find romance disgusting or anything bad)than sex. 

I hate when people say that you aren’t asexual when you’re aegosexual, cause i don’t feel any romantic or sexual attraction towards people irl. I’m attracted towards fictional characters but that doesn’t make me less asexual.

Edited by Cocothecoconut
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I feel you I'm asexual, I don't have thoughts of it but I don't see what's terrible about it I just don't want it. and your correct that doesn't make you any less asexual your valid ^^

Edited by Jackson_Glass
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2 hours ago, Cocothecoconut said:

I mean it’s not because i don’t care about other asexual people or find them weird, i’m asexual as well. But as an aegosexual i don’t always understand the heavily repulsed asexuals who thinks sex and nudity is disgusting, horrifying and barf barf barf.

If I’m sure about one thing, then it’s that I’m aro, 100% aro. And even though I do not like romance at all (if it would just vanish from this planet I would rejoice), I do not find it disgusting / horrifying / barf barf barf.

Do have asexuals “higher standards”?

2 hours ago, Cocothecoconut said:

I wish there were aegosexual people like me who could understand how i feel, cause i’m more heavily repulsed by romance, relationships and marriage(not only because i don’t feel romantic attraction)than sex. 

I hate when people say that you aren’t asexual when you’re aegosexual, cause i don’t feel any romantic or sexual attraction towards people irl. I’m attracted towards fictional characters but that doesn’t make me less asexual.

I sometimes (rarely) have real sex, and enjoy it. But then I go a long time without it.

I do feel sexual attraction towards other people.

But often it happens that I just cannot feel sexual attraction, cannot get aroused, in very sexual (very, very explicitly sexual, nothing left to the imagination) situations.

OTOH I easily achieve arousal in situations when reality just subtly hints at something sexual and the rest is supplied by my fantasy.

While I’m not asexual, I guess that I have strong aegosexual tendencies… it’s 90% fantasy and 10% reality for me… this CANNOT be representative of the average allosexual.

In the end I don’t care about belonging to the asexual community. As odd as I am in this regard, I don’t identify with this label…

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10 hours ago, Cocothecoconut said:

I mean it’s not because i don’t care about other asexual people or find them weird, i’m asexual as well. But as an aegosexual i don’t always understand the heavily repulsed asexuals who thinks sex and nudity is disgusting, horrifying and barf barf barf. I’m a very kinky person, i have tons of sexual fantasies, i can laugh at sexual dirty jokes and i don’t find nudity or sex wrong or disgusting. I find it aesthetically beautiful and attractive, but i’m asexual cause i’m repulsed by the thought of myself having sex or doing kinky sexual activities with people in real life. 

 

It’s a bit hard and i feel lonely because i feel stupid for not understanding the heavily repulsed asexuals, but at the same time i’m like “i’m not stupid, i just don’t fit as the stereotypical asexual”

I wish there were aegosexual people like me who could understand how i feel, cause i’m more heavily repulsed by romance, relationships and marriage(not only because i don’t feel romantic attraction)than sex. 

I hate when people say that you aren’t asexual when you’re aegosexual, cause i don’t feel any romantic or sexual attraction towards people irl. I’m attracted towards fictional characters but that doesn’t make me less asexual.

You're not any less asexual for your stances / feelings on sex. Ace-spec folks all have different stances and feelings towards sex, though repulsed ace-spec folks is the flavor of ace we see represented most often. I do find it agitating when people oversimplify asexuality to an inaccurate point, such as dwindling it down to simply "not wanting sex". Because that's not what it is. It's a term that describes feeling little to no sexual attraction, which doesn't directly determine peoples' stances and views on sex in general or for themselves. I can completely understand why you'd feel isolated given your circumstances and lack of representation for your experiences of asexuality. 

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8 hours ago, DeltaV said:

And even though I do not like romance at all (if it would just vanish from this planet I would rejoice), I do not find it disgusting / horrifying / barf barf barf.

 

I mean it’s not like i find romance disgusting, horrifying, barf barf barf. It can be aesthetically beautiful and i do kind of understand the concept of it and i accept if two people really love each other and they want to live their lives together. But it just doesn’t appeal or interest me at all, i don’t like it and i don’t feel romantic attraction towards anyone. Maybe the word “heavily repulsed” is too of an aggressive word. So i would rather say that i’m repulsed by the thought of myself being in a romantic relationship/marriage. 

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On 2/18/2022 at 8:35 AM, Cocothecoconut said:

I mean it’s not like i find romance disgusting, horrifying, barf barf barf. It can be aesthetically beautiful and i do kind of understand the concept of it and i accept if two people really love each other and they want to live their lives together.

Yes. I guess my analogy fails in the sense that many aspects of romance are not that far removed from other human interactions.

But sex OTOH is very, very, VERY peculiar. So I can understand why people may find it disgusting (100%, no matter the circumstances).

Now I don’t like romance directed at me. I find it very uncomfortable. Always, ever, no exceptions. Even from people I’m very close to. But I’d still 100x times more prefer having romance directed at me than some truly "barf barf" stuff like being a crime scene cleaner.

Also I don’t find romance aesthetically beautiful ever. More like something between neutral and annoying/uncomfortable.

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I felt this. I am 100% asexual, I don't feel sexual attraction, my libido doesn't exist, but I am super sex-positive. I love talking about kinky stuff, to know other people's kinks, to read erotic novels... I always try to talk about sex as something natural and healthy, and I encourage people to enjoy it and to experiment. Despite this, I can feel repulsed by it sometimes (mostly when I think about sexual activities involving men, I find it extremely disgusting, always) and I don't like the idea  of myself having sex.

I just looked for a definition of aegosexual and I don't understand it at all. In one of the definitions I found it said that it has to be with paraphilias and finding the sexual arousement in activities that are not considered sexual by the majority (this happens to me, with all my kinks) but some other definitions don't consider or even mention this point. Now I don't know if I am aegosexual, new identity crisis ulocked:D Any help?

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On 2/20/2022 at 7:51 PM, DeltaV said:

Yes. I guess my analogy fails in the sense that many aspects of romance are not that far removed from other human interactions.

But sex OTOH is very, very, VERY peculiar. So I can understand why people may find it disgusting (100%, no matter the circumstances).

Now I don’t like romance directed at me. I find it very uncomfortable. Always, ever, no exceptions. Even from people I’m very close to. But I’d still 100x times more prefer having romance directed at me than some truly "barf barf" stuff like being a crime scene cleaner.

Also I don’t find romance aesthetically beautiful ever. More like something between neutral and annoying/uncomfortable.

I don’t actually know if i’m aegoromantic as well, cause i find romantic songs, movies, series a bit appealing and aesthetically beautiful, but i’m not fantasizing it so much(only sometimes and it’s always casual).

I don’t know but it’s so complicated.

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2 hours ago, Arsenic said:

I felt this. I am 100% asexual, I don't feel sexual attraction, my libido doesn't exist, but I am super sex-positive. I love talking about kinky stuff, to know other people's kinks, to read erotic novels... I always try to talk about sex as something natural and healthy, and I encourage people to enjoy it and to experiment. Despite this, I can feel repulsed by it sometimes (mostly when I think about sexual activities involving men, I find it extremely disgusting, always) and I don't like the idea  of myself having sex.

I just looked for a definition of aegosexual and I don't understand it at all. In one of the definitions I found it said that it has to be with paraphilias and finding the sexual arousement in activities that are not considered sexual by the majority (this happens to me, with all my kinks) but some other definitions don't consider or even mention this point. Now I don't know if I am aegosexual, new identity crisis ulocked:D Any help?

I know i’m aegosexual(also called autochorisesexual)because i have tons of sexual fantasies and kinks, my libido is high(sometimes, but especially on my period) and i actually love the idea of sex(penetration sex, anal and oral sex), sex scenes and nudity in movies and series doesn’t bother me at all and i’m not uncomfortable by dirty jokes and people talking about sex. I’m very sex positive. 

However i’m repulsed and uncomfortable by the idea of myself having sex with people and i’m not interested in having sex irl, cause i’m only attracted towards fictional characters. I’m uncomfortable by the idea of getting something(sex toy or male genitalia)inside my vagina, anus or mouth. 

It’s like a sandwich 

I love the idea of eating it and imagining the delicious taste of it

But i don’t want to eat it and and refuse to take a bite of it. 

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  • 2 months later...
Posted (edited)

I'm paradoxically sex repulsed and sex favourable, personally. The only way I get entertained by a real relationship, is with a real crush who've I've long since known or gotten close to, and even then the more realistic/real world it gets, the less keen I was in taking action, especially if said person wasn't a perfect partner. I'm also someone who may enjoy lewd jokes in the right places or context and some sexual or nudity subjects, alas not as much as I would between me + my partner. The short version is: Online sexy stooff? Maybe. Real life sexy stooff? No. Sexy stooff involving strangers? Even more no, although I may still enjoy aesthetics and such.

I've yet to find somebody who can change this and put up with my reluctance to go the extra real-life mile, or out of my comfort zone. I like my comfort zone more than I like people.

Here's a relevant analogy: I like many songs even ones strictly about romance. I don't have to like romance to like the song, or understand what it's like to be romantically fulfilled.

Edited by SkyTuneRein
Added analogy.
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  • 4 months later...
On 2/17/2022 at 3:12 PM, blueberrydragon said:

I ID as aegosexual, and I really relate to this experience. It made me unsure of my ace-ness for a little while because I thought being extremely repulsed was a requirement. 

I am ageosexual too. I agree, I also thought being sex repulsed was required.

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