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I'm extremely confused: am I aro-spec or is it just my imagination?


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Hi everyone!

First of all, I want to say sorry if my English may sound a little bit weird and incorrect, but it isn't my first language.

I'm a woman in her 20s, and for my whole life I've dreamed about love: every show I watched talked about it, and I always dreamed about meeting someone that could make my heart flutter. Even if I had feelings for some people when I was a child, as time passed and I grew older those people became much less, and if I ever happened to be interested in someone the feelings I had for them weren't that strong. Honestly I don't know how to explain myself properly, but it's like I can't really have proper romantic feelings for someone else, and even if I can feel some kind of interest it never becomes strong enough to be called romantic attraction. I thought that what I felt when I was a child (I mean, I was still a child) was more me idealizing something I saw on movies and cartoons rather than actually having those feelings, also because I've never experienced them again while growing up. I've been in some relationships too, but they didn't end up well. In all of them I've never felt truly comfortable but almost like I was out of place, because I couldn't fully reciprocate the feelings that the other person had for me. 

I realized I was asexual last year, and I accepted it, I'm proud of who I am. However, when it comes to romantic attraction, I'm still extremely confused, because I feel like the way I feel attraction isn't like many other people. I know that my heart will never flutter and things like that, but I still fantasize about romantic love, and I can't understand if the way I feel can fall into the aromantic spectrum or not. 

I just hope that someone in here could help me to sort my thoughts out. Thank you for reading this! 

Edited by Frarix
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i think it does fall under the aromantic spectrum. there's a term called cupioromantic, which, according to AUREA, describes a person who does not experience romantic attraction, but still desires a romantic relationship. that reminds me a bit of what you're describing

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As @fernsays, there is a term called cupioromantic. There are also ideas of aromanticism which don't put the focus on romantic attraction, try looking at non SAM aros and see if that is something which makes sense for you.

To be honest most of what I would advise is just searching these different experiences of aromanticism and seeing if anything written relates to what you are thinking. 

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  • 3 months later...

Peckpina, don't worry. I'm glad you found someone to help describe how your feeling. It now depends on if your happy. You may wanna do more research here:


to figure out what romantic identity you may identify as!


Cheers and best of luck,


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