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Has anyone else done this?


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I want to up and abruptly leave my live now and move to start a new one with my boyfriend of a year 

we’ve made long term work and that’s not really the issue 

it doesn’t seem like it would be that big of a deal to just up and leave 

but I’d be leaving behind my 6 and 7 year olds. They live with their dad and I only get to see them 5 days out of the month. But still. They call their step mom mom and want her more than me 

Im not going anywhere where I’m at, 

I’d be leaving behind friends and family. To go 4 1/2 hours away. 
has anyone been through a similar situation? Any advise for me? Anything at all? 

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You've only been dating this dude for a year? Yeah, I would not do that. Unless there's something seriously messed up about your home life and you need to get out, I wouldn't do something like that. A year isn't a long time to get to know someone at all.

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I left my life before, it wasn't as good as I thought it would be. I felt isolated, and when the person I was living with got mad at me and kicked me out I was homeless and had nowhere to go. I ended up severely depressed.

 

I'm just glad my family wasn't hurt by me cutting off communication, and let me move in with them and restablish a relationship with them. I think family, even sucky family, is valuable, because they do care about you and want the best for you. Though, I can imagine some families are just not worth knowing. I'm generalizing here.

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My advice? Do not leave. At the bare minimum you should know your partner for at least 2 years. Moving in with someone is a wild card for both. You don't know what's gonna happen, or how both will react to the change. Also, you have kids. Yes they may not call you mother but that doesn't make you less of one. Those kids do not owe you anything, but you brought them into this world, that makes you have some responsibility in their lives. Actions have consequences, you gave birth so at the very least if they need you, you should be there for them. I am not telling you to be physically there, but on phone calls, or video chat. Let them know that if they need you, you will respond.

I will say it again, 1 year is not enough time to know someone. If you move in, you will alienate yourself from the first safety net, your family; and second safety net, your friends. This means that if poop hits the fan, you would have none or very few people. This makes it harder for you to get up on your feets again. If you want to distance from your family, do so, but do not cut both your fam and friends. Always have a back up plan, a friend, a therapist, someone who can serve as link or a safety net that you can cushion your fall, if you do. Be prepared for the worst, because is better to be the crazy survivalist with nuclear shelter than being the roasted corpse in the house when a nuclear warhead falls down.

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