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is reciprocating feelings romantic attraction?

Just a Bear

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for two of my gf's, I felt like I reciprocated their feelings, I liked all my gf's but these two I felt like they were special people. What are your thoughts on that? is reciprocating feelings romantic attraction, or is it a mental game I've played on myself?


 Edit: no I didn’t think they were special, I don’t know why I typed that. I just thought my feelings matched their, I felt excited to be with them and felt like I liked them a lot.

Edited by Ashe.
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14 hours ago, Ashe. said:

I felt like they were special people.

A mental misstep for sure. I was thinking, “I really liked them” and typed, “they’re special”.


 I never thought “they’re special”, I liked them alot and thought my feelings matched theirs. 

idk if that changes anything

13 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I'd say yes. If the desire is targeted towards specific people and not just like, the concept of being in a relationship, that would generally be considered attraction.

Hm that’s interesting. I don’t think I felt any desire. I just liked them more than I liked other people.

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This is only something that you can know for sure, since they where two separate people, and both (as far as I understand) you reciprocated their feelings, it now questions the motives. 1. You did it involuntarily or 2. You did what was socially acceptable to do/ you did what society tells you to do in that situation.

Ask yourself, why you did it? Did you felt something while doing it? You may have done it to make them feel appreciated even though you did not felt something by doing it. You do actions, that doesn't mean that you will get something in return for doing them. 

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motivation, huh? I'd say, they were excited so I was excited. I liked them. I don't know what that means though. with the first partner, we were physical and that's what I was reciprocating. I'm asensual but touch favorable. it got to a point where she said she wanted to have sex with me so bad but we shouldn't, and I said I felt the same even though I didn't. she was feeling strong positive emotions and I was feeding off of that. mirroring her thrill. 

with the second gf, I was happy that we were together. I wouldn't say I was happy we were dating though, I'd say I was happy to spend time with her, whatever that meant. I asked her out, but the thing is I expected to want to ask her out, so my motivation there was questionable. a friend told me about their friend, and I thought, "I bet I'll like her" and I did like her, both I liked her appearance (aesthetic attraction) and I liked her personality (???) . we spent a lot of time together, talking mostly. we saww each other probably on eight seperate days, but then she broke up with me. I don't know why she broke up with me but suspect it was because I wasn't making her feel sexually desired. So, there, what I was reciprocating was feelings of enjoying someone's company. 


I don't know if I'm romantic or alterous. I definitely feel liking for people, but I don't know which feeling it is, whether it's alterous or whether it's romantic. in all three of my relationships I copied what they were doing. I followed their lead. I didn't actually pursue anything other than mirroring them. 


but that's what I was reciprocating. I was mirroring their passion. now I don't know if that passion came from romance and wanting to date them, or from alterous and wanting to spend time with thme because of that. Or maybe I was only passionate because they were? no, I think the passion I felt was genuine. I definitely liked that I was spending time with someone I felt attracted to. 


I never did consiously think, "I want to date this person" except that one time when I said "I bet I'll want to date her". There were two other people who I liked, who I thought, "I don't feel romantically for her, but if she wanted to date I'd be down to date" neither asked me out. I was okay with that! those two times were definitely alterous feelings. it's jsut the two girlfriends that I can't tell, whether it was romantic or alterous. I'm leaning alterous, but I'm just not sure. I feel like I never initiated intimacy, intimacy evolved naturally by their lead. and we talked. So that's all I have to say wether it was romanit or alterous. 


any advice?

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