Jump to content

I was asked out and my aro butt is panicking

Recommended Posts

A guy in my online dnd group asked me out... at least I'm pretty sure.

He asked if I liked roller coasters, if I was free on Saturday, and if I would like to go to an amusement park with him. Which to me sounds like he asking me out, but I'm not 100% certain. I've been asked out two or three times in my life, so I do not have a lot of experience with that.

So far my answers are: Yes I like roller coasters, No I am not free on Saturday, and always down to go to amusement parks (schedule permitting).

However, whether or not he intended to ask me out, I am going to ask him what his intention was with his message because I'm having aro panic right now and I need to know, social awkwardness and anxiety be damned.

Also, I want to disclose that I'm aro. While I'm not telling my family anytime soon, I don't give a damn who else knows. I know that I don't have to disclose that I'm aro to anyone when rejecting people and I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why they are being rejected. However, I feel that being direct and open about this will make it less awkward moving forward. It's kinda like informing him that if he is interested in dating me, then I'm nipping that in the bud real quick before he gets any real hopes up. If I leave it at the three statements above, that leaves it open for him to try again and I am not having any of that.

So my plan is to say something along the lines of "I will be blunt. I am aromanitc. I don't experience romantic attraction. I am averse to romance. I'm not interested in dating. Does this information change anything on your end?" Is this direct and to the point, or does it come off as bitchy and dismissive? Is it too intense? I am including too much information and over explaining? Help.

Any thoughts or opinions on the situation are most welcomed. I don't know any aro people offline and I could really use some advice. 

TL;DR I need help being direct with a guy who asked me out that I'm aro and I'm not interested in dating.

Edited by Atlamillia Pixie
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is a little intense, but not by much. It is not a necessary step to soften the statement, but if you like this person and would like for further friendship to be as smooth as possible, I think it is a good idea to leave space for some face-saving.

So, all your answers are good and I'd lead with the first ones. You like rollercoasters and do like to go to amusement parks at times that are not this saturday. Then you can continue with: Gotta ask though, is this a date? Because I want to be up front about this, I'm aromantic. That means I just don't do romance and romantic relationships. At all. Does that change anything on your end?

I think leading softer works because that way you're not assuming its a date, and it allows your friend to pretend it was not intended that way, even if it was. Saving face.

Honestly, I think your idea of ending with a question is very smart. Because that way you are kind of forcing him to stop and think and answer. Sometimes it is easy for people to have selective hearing and just miss the part of the information they don't like. By expecting an answer about it, you kind of force him to actually think of what you said.

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...