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Confused emotions

Guest Anon


So, i recently met this person online (we'll call them Jane for now.) I say recently but its really been almost a year. We started dating a few months ago but lately i feel like theres nothing between us. I spend all day texting my best friend (normal texts. We talk about video games, cars, anime and more nerd shit like that.) where as Jane and I talk maybe twice a week. I've tried texting Jane more frequently but she replies maybe once a day and by the time she does, I've started doing something else, solved my problem or completely gotten over the topic and usually won't respond till the next day. On the off days that I do text back when I see it, I get no or one worded responses. Yet whenever I question Jane, she says she's happy with me and it seems genuine. A part of me thinks this is all in my head and we're fine but at the same time I wonder if I'm just like those people who keep someone locked in a needless relationship. Is this something i should bring up to her or is it better to keep it by myself and keep trying to get closer with them? I don't want to become another bad person in her life.

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Hello anon, I am no counselor so I can only give you my opinion as someone who has experienced being a relationship once in my lifetime. What I think you can do is indeed communicate with Jane and be honest. Communication is important in any kind of relationship and if you think that there is a problem or you feel that something is off or you do not like, you should express it to her. If you are ok with talking on and off through the week, then there is nothing wrong with that, but if you want more communication, let her know that you want that. If she is ok with the kind of relationship you are having, being texting maybe once a day, and she is telling you that she is happy then trust her (I like to give the benefit of doubt until proven otherwise).

Now what I am sensing is that you think there is something wrong because you speak more with your best friend than with her. I can tell you that it is completely fine if that is the case, Jane is part of your life (if you want to) but you have a life separate of her, so do not feel bad about speaking more to your friends than to her. I like to have convos on-off through the week and not only one long convo, but that is me. I like to communicate with as little words as possible and be concise, maybe she does too, you can ask her. We are not everyone the same, we have different upbringings and different ways to express ourselves. I do with shorts convos, maybe you like long ones, and that is ok. The important thing is to communicate, and if you don't want to be in a relationship or you think you will get nowhere, then break up and continue with your life. Remember that if you are aro/ace, being with an allo (if she is) will bring situations that otherwise wouldn't come (example is sex; hand holding; kissing; etc) you need to put rules and boundaries, both are not signs of being manipulative nor being a bad person, is just wanting something for you and enjoying things in a healthy way. Do not do anything you don't wanna do. ^^ hope I could be of help.

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