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Dealing with Squishes


_Katniss_Stan_
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Hello everyone,

I am being a bit emotional right now because of a Squish (or is it a crush? idk). So, let me explain:

There is this one person in my life right now that is like super important to me. Usually we meet up like 3 or 4 times a week and text all day every day, but this week I won't meet up with her and since she went to her boyfriend I don't hear a lot from her (which is fine, I know she is occupied after all). And I know I am being stupid, because I am happy she has her boyfriend. 

But I am jealous.
A bit too jealous for my taste.
I feel vulnerable, I feel like we overshared our lives lately. And maybe I am kinda scared she will back out of this intense friendship, which I think would leave me shattered. I try to give her space because I feel like both of us would need that right now, but at the same time its just so difficult to do so. 

Anyone out there with similar experiences? How do you stop thinking about stuff like this? 

And would you consider jealousy to be a thing exclusively for crushes/romantic relationships?
I don't feel like I would want a romantic relationship with my friend (like cuddling, dates, that kind of stuff). But I still try to figure out "how" aro I really am and this is giving me headaches for weeks now. 

 

 

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I don't think I have had an experience too similar to that, however in more general terms I have wondered about friends leaving because of romantic relationships and just not being around. If you are an aro who does wish to form intense and meaningful friendships then of course it is going to cause grief when you feel as though you are lesser in a relationship.

7 hours ago, _Katniss_Stan_ said:

would you consider jealousy to be a thing exclusively for crushes/romantic relationships?

No, this is something I would say quite comfortably. I get jealous of people who seemed to have better/more welcoming family relations for example.There are plenty of reasons to feel valid jealousy outside of romance.

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Ah, that's rough. I also had an intense friendship with a squish and we became quite involved in each other's lives, but his romantic partnership ended up getting in the way. What helped me was focusing on my other relationships and other activities in my life as well as taking a step back from my squish and putting some distance to it. But just because it didn't go well for me doesn't mean it won't go well for you! Before you decide to take any action, it could be good to talk to your friend about this. If you just start to give her space without warning, she might also get confused. It could be that she is simply busy (every relationship has its phases of more intense and less intense contact), and she might also want to keep the intense friendship the way it is. Then it'd be good to talk about how to balance your friendship with her romantic partnership because there may be times in which this could conflict if she does indeed still want to keep a close friendship. Essentially, I recommend taking a moment to define the relationship so that neither of you get hurt and you know better what to expect. Nevertheless, it can be good to have variety in your life and not be so focused on one person.

I also wouldn't say that jealousy is exclusive for crushes/romantic relationships. Like roboticanary mentioned, there is that difficulty of feeling lesser or feeling like you're being left behind. I think this can definitely lead to some feelings of jealousy.

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6 minutes ago, Erederyn said:

It could be good to talk to your friend about this.

Hello Erederyn, thanks for your response. 
You are definitely right about this, usually I would do that anyways. We are so open about anything and she kinda knows how important she is to me. But I also know that she has troubles with strong relationships. Its complicated and probably I am overreacting, I will just have to sit through this week and talk to her when I see her again.

I try to branch out a bit more when it comes to friendships. I have other friends that are important to me. I just haven't been that focused on one person that much in years now. I guess it was caused by the rough time I have been through that only she really knew/knows about. Thats what I meant by saying giving her space, I don't want us to get out of touch but I need to loose this immense tie to her, if that makes sense. For our both´s sake, after all.

And I am very sorry to hear, that you had some bad experiences with a squish. I can relate, this is not the first time I struggle with it. 

 

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