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Hi hi!

I'm Kit, 22 years old agender transboy from germany. I've been identifying as asexual for almost 2 years now. Just recently found out about the agender stuff tho! I use agender transboy because even tho I'm agender I like to be seen as boy in public etc. Doesn't change the fact I don't feel like I have a gender at all!

I've been questioning my romantic orientation since quite a while. I'm pretty sure I'm on the aro spectrum but no idea where exactly. 

I'm having a hard time finding out what romantic attraction is and to know if I ever experienced it. I have had some "crushes" but they could've been just platonically or sensual/aesthetic. I've had this butterfly in stomach nervous feeling thing but man,I've got social anxiety and a avoidant personality disorder with borderline personality disorder traits so was is romantic attraction,my anxiety or my personality disorder?lol 

When I hear people talking about romantic attraction or see it in movies I can't always relate cuz a lot of stuff that's displayed there is just platonic for me. I do think I experience alterous attraction which might be also part of why I thought my crushes were romantic? 

I'd love it if someone could help me figuring it out. Am I aromantic or not?


To make it a short list:

• i experienced butterflies in my stomach, nervousness around them but haven't had a desire to go out on dates or something. if all i just wanted to spend time with them but somehow also not.

 • when I entered a relationship i felt like my freedom was taken away,because I knew my partner had some expectations from me and what's usually common in a romantic relationship but I felt like I couldn't meet this expectations cuz I didn't felt the same way they did 

• in my 22 years on this earth i think i had 3 situations in which I thought it was a crush 

• i don't wanna marry,dunt want children and don't want to live together with someone. I enjoy being alone. I could never stand it seeing one person every day,almost 24/7 and when sharing my stuff with them and including them in my plans etc lol ( does that sound harsh??)

• i do experience aesthetic and sensual attraction really strong. As well as I experience alterous attraction. This could be the reason why I thought my previous crushes were romantic?

• despite all i like being in a committed relationship with someone I think fondly off. If i enter a relationship with them it's probably because I enjoy their company and they don't annoy me. Like i feel safe with them and trust them.


I can't think of anything to write down rn so I guess that's it for now! Hope you can help me out a bit!?




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not sure but from what you say you sound aro to me.

That point about enjoying being alone and not wanting to be around one person every day is something I totally relate to. being 22 with only 3 instances where you think you might have had a crush sounds very much like you fit somewhere within aromanticism. certainly most people I knew growing up were firstly quite certain of their crushes and secondly seemed to have quite a few even when in their teens.

Anyway, welcome, hope you figure yourself out.

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Hi and welcome!
You do sound like aro. Well, you sound so much like me (like, really, 99% relate af), and I am aro.
All (like,2 or 3, lol) my "crushes" were really strange, due I practiclly choosed who I will be attracted too. Even tho, there were hints that they suck. So I didn't want to know them better, but still wanted to get this, hmm, intriguing warm feeling?
Also, the feeling that I had during those "crushes" were week. Even my good-story-crush, art-crush, fictional-character-with-good-strory-and-nice-character-development crush are stronger. Tho I still don't know what was that felling during "crushes". But kinda, whatever, lol. But it was definitely not romantic 

Go through this forum archives. They have a lot of mind blowing experience that helped me devide types of attraction (Roller coasters, Railways, Ferris wheels etc)

Edited by Bad Things
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