I'm Kit, 22 years old agender transboy from germany. I've been identifying as asexual for almost 2 years now. Just recently found out about the agender stuff tho! I use agender transboy because even tho I'm agender I like to be seen as boy in public etc. Doesn't change the fact I don't feel like I have a gender at all!
I've been questioning my romantic orientation since quite a while. I'm pretty sure I'm on the aro spectrum but no idea where exactly.
I'm having a hard time finding out what romantic attraction is and to know if I ever experienced it. I have had some "crushes" but they could've been just platonically or sensual/aesthetic. I've had this butterfly in stomach nervous feeling thing but man,I've got social anxiety and a avoidant personality disorder with borderline personality disorder traits so was is romantic attraction,my anxiety or my personality disorder?lol
When I hear people talking about romantic attraction or see it in movies I can't always relate cuz a lot of stuff that's displayed there is just platonic for me. I do think I experience alterous attraction which might be also part of why I thought my crushes were romantic?
I'd love it if someone could help me figuring it out. Am I aromantic or not?
To make it a short list:
• i experienced butterflies in my stomach, nervousness around them but haven't had a desire to go out on dates or something. if all i just wanted to spend time with them but somehow also not.
• when I entered a relationship i felt like my freedom was taken away,because I knew my partner had some expectations from me and what's usually common in a romantic relationship but I felt like I couldn't meet this expectations cuz I didn't felt the same way they did
• in my 22 years on this earth i think i had 3 situations in which I thought it was a crush
• i don't wanna marry,dunt want children and don't want to live together with someone. I enjoy being alone. I could never stand it seeing one person every day,almost 24/7 and when sharing my stuff with them and including them in my plans etc lol ( does that sound harsh??)
• i do experience aesthetic and sensual attraction really strong. As well as I experience alterous attraction. This could be the reason why I thought my previous crushes were romantic?
• despite all i like being in a committed relationship with someone I think fondly off. If i enter a relationship with them it's probably because I enjoy their company and they don't annoy me. Like i feel safe with them and trust them.
I can't think of anything to write down rn so I guess that's it for now! Hope you can help me out a bit!😸