Tips on Talking with parents (there’s a question. I promise)

[Aroacerabbit]

So At the beginning of the quarantine, (March) I began to really look into my sexuality. I then realized that I was aroace. I’ve come out to one of my close friends who’s a lesbian and was the main person to encourage me to investigate my sexuality. However, when I have recently thought about coming out to anyone else, I get a slight panic attack. If I think about my mother, she has always been very pro-lgbtq, very open, and she was really open and nice to my gay friend when she came out. I know she knows about asexuality because I heard her talking about it to one of our family friends one time when they were talking about the LGBTQ spectrum ( i didn’t hear the details). However, I always feel like if I were to come out to her, she wouldn’t be as accepting of me as aroace as if I was gay for example. I don’t know if this is because of romance normativity and such but I feel like she would be really disappointed. But my main point, sorry for taking so long to get here, lol, is that whenever she and my family/family friends talk about me getting married or dating or having kids it makes me sad because I feel like I’m getting their hopes up. Any recommendations on how to tell her this without revealing anything? I don’t think I’m ready to come out yet, as I still have some internalized fear of being aroace, but it hurts every time it’s brought up. Thanks!

[Tylore]

I guess you could start by gently reminding her whenever marriage/kids is brought up that not everyone wants those things? I know that’s scary, but you could use “exploring your amatonormativity to be a better aro/ace ally” as an excuse, as that would probably push her to learn more about the topic. If she says “are you sure you’re not just aro/ace” call her out on her fake ally bullshit. A good argument there would be, “I listen to aro/aces when they complain. These ideals hurt them. You don’t have to be aro/ace to empathize and try to fix what’s wrong” or something along those lines, idk, do whatever’s comfortable to you. (Also, some B&J!)

[Aroacerabbit]

12 hours ago, Tylore said:

I guess you could start by gently reminding her whenever marriage/kids is brought up that not everyone wants those things? I know that’s scary, but you could use “exploring your amatonormativity to be a better aro/ace ally” as an excuse, as that would probably push her to learn more about the topic. If she says “are you sure you’re not just aro/ace” call her out on her fake ally bullshit. A good argument there would be, “I listen to aro/aces when they complain. These ideals hurt them. You don’t have to be aro/ace to empathize and try to fix what’s wrong” or something along those lines, idk, do whatever’s comfortable to you. (Also, some B&J!)

Thank you! I might try this when it comes up next.