Afraid you’re wrong about your identity?

[aroscorpio]

Hiya! So, here’s a kinda weird thing that I’ve been worried about. I’ve been questioning a lot, which is normal since I’m still new it all of this, but I’ve been identifying as aromantic, and I’ve thought my past experiences to death and I’ve pretty much discerned that they weren’t ‘romantic attraction’ but still I have this, not really curiosity or question of if I’m maybe greyromantic or something like that. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with greyromantics, it’s just not what I want for me. Idk if this sounds weird but I’ve been IDing as aromantic, and I WANT to be aromantic, not greyromantic or quioromantic (I hope I spelled that right?) and any of those kinds of identities. Like I said, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with people Identifying as such if they feel it speaks to who they are! People should be free to always be themselves and, if they want a label, use the one that speaks to them on a deep level and they feel describes them perfectly! I just feel like the idea of being ‘aromantic’ speaks to me more than the others, but I’m afraid that I’m wrong about it, even though it’s something I desperately want to be true. Does that make any sense and has anyone else felt that way? -aroscorpio

[hermi1e]

That makes total sense. A lot of people ID as a label, even if it only partially describes them. Someone might prefer the label "gay," even if they have occasional attraction to a different gender, because it almost always describes how they feel. You are allowed to use aromantic as an umbrella term for yourself if it fits best, even if someone else might put you under a different label. 

If you are worried though, it might be good to ask urself some questions:

Why are you doubting that you're aromantic? Are you experiencing romo attraction, or do you think you might have in the past, or are you not sure if you are/did, or did a romo situation present itself and confuse you, or do you think it could be plain old imposter syndrome? 

What about the aromantic label do you identify with or like? Maybe it's the simplicity, or maybe it entirely describes how you feel, or maybe it almost entirely describes how you feel, or maybe others have used it to describe you, or maybe you find the community appealing, or maybe you're used to identifying with it. Idk, these are just guesses

Why do you think you don't want to identify with another label like greyro? Maybe they all feel foreign or you don't relate to any of them, or maybe you've heard negative things about them, or maybe you feel they're too complicated, or maybe you're not sure which to choose because multiple fit you, or maybe you're worried others don't understand them, or maybe thinking about them overwhelms you? Again, idk what you're feeling rn, so you get to answer this  I'm just throwing out ideas, in case that helps.

Please remember that it's ok to not have it figured out yet, or to have a temporary label. Thanks for talking about what's up, because that's a really good step in learning more about urself and sorting things out. i wish yoo the best!

Edited August 5, 2020 by hermi1e

[aroscorpio]

9 hours ago, hermi1e said:

That makes total sense. A lot of people ID as a label, even if it only partially describes them. Someone might prefer the label "gay," even if they have occasional attraction to a different gender, because it almost always describes how they feel. You are allowed to use aromantic as an umbrella term for yourself if it fits best, even if someone else might put you under a different label. 

If you are worried though, it might be good to ask urself some questions:

Why are you doubting that you're aromantic? Are you experiencing romo attraction, or do you think you might have in the past, or are you not sure if you are/did, or did a romo situation present itself and confuse you, or do you think it could be plain old imposter syndrome? 

What about the aromantic label do you identify with or like? Maybe it's the simplicity, or maybe it entirely describes how you feel, or maybe it almost entirely describes how you feel, or maybe others have used it to describe you, or maybe you find the community appealing, or maybe you're used to identifying with it. Idk, these are just guesses

Why do you think you don't want to identify with another label like greyro? Maybe they all feel foreign or you don't relate to any of them, or maybe you've heard negative things about them, or maybe you feel they're too complicated, or maybe you're not sure which to choose because multiple fit you, or maybe you're worried others don't understand them, or maybe thinking about them overwhelms you? Again, idk what you're feeling rn, so you get to answer this  I'm just throwing out ideas, in case that helps.

Please remember that it's ok to not have it figured out yet, or to have a temporary label. Thanks for talking about what's up, because that's a really good step in learning more about urself and sorting things out. i wish yoo the best!

Awee thank you! I guess the main reason that I’m having doubts is because I’m the past I used to think I had ‘crushes’ on people, but I don’t really know if that’s what is was. Like, I got giddy and nervous around those people but I never really wanted to, like, kiss them or hold their hand or anything like that. I think it was much more likely a squish, ya know? And most of the time it’s been on fictional characters. Although, I’ve also never seen a relationship as a goal or something to work towards, and I don’t understand why it’s such a focal point to so many people. I’m not afraid of things like ‘dying alone’ and I think being single forever sounds awesome, my main fear is just that I don’t know how to be 100% certain that I didn’t feel romantic attraction to those people. Then again, I don’t even know what ‘romantic attraction’ is supposed to mean, ya know? It’s just confusing. And idk why I feel so strongly that I WANT to be aromantic, I just really seem to connect with everything about it.

[Queasy_Attention]

Ah, I feel this way too-- I felt it a lot when I was first questioning myself a few months ago. 

I think the main part of it is that I like having a word to describe a part of myself that I've previously felt shame or confusion for. I felt the same way about my bisexual label, or my bipolar 2 label. Having a solid name for something meant that it was legitimate, that I had tangible proof other people would understand my experiences, and gave me a solid justification for the way I felt and acted in my past beyond "well, I guess I'm just a stupid crazy person." 

This feels very similar. Being aro has affected the way I act and feel in quite a few ways, and being able to find a word and a community that describes those feelings and actions feels really good. It felt empowering to look back at the way my past relationships went and say hey, maybe there's a reason that I didn't feel the way I thought I was supposed to feel. It felt exciting to look back at the books and shows and stories I'd read, watch, and write, and say hey, maybe there's a reason that I like these specific tropes and write these characters this way. I read about many other people's experiences and their stories resonated with me. I connected with them in a way that I've never been able to connect with anyone else before. All those feelings really make me want to be Aromantic and fit within that label-- even if I might not be 100% black-and-white "aromantic."

I'm young, I'm only 23, so for all I know I could experience romantic attraction sometime within my life. I'm still trying to come to terms with that, because I really do love being aro and participating within this community. But reality is going to be whatever it's going to be, and if I'm not quite aro then I'm not quite aro. But for now, "Bi AroAllo" seems to fit me better than anything else, so for now I'm keeping it!

Hopefully some of this helped you, and I wish you the best of luck in finding your truth

[aroscorpio]

12 minutes ago, Queasy_Attention said:

Ah, I feel this way too-- I felt it a lot when I was first questioning myself a few months ago. 

I think the main part of it is that I like having a word to describe a part of myself that I've previously felt shame or confusion for. I felt the same way about my bisexual label, or my bipolar 2 label. Having a solid name for something meant that it was legitimate, that I had tangible proof other people would understand my experiences, and gave me a solid justification for the way I felt and acted in my past beyond "well, I guess I'm just a stupid crazy person." 

This feels very similar. Being aro has affected the way I act and feel in quite a few ways, and being able to find a word and a community that describes those feelings and actions feels really good. It felt empowering to look back at the way my past relationships went and say hey, maybe there's a reason that I didn't feel the way I thought I was supposed to feel. It felt exciting to look back at the books and shows and stories I'd read, watch, and write, and say hey, maybe there's a reason that I like these specific tropes and write these characters this way. I read about many other people's experiences and their stories resonated with me. I connected with them in a way that I've never been able to connect with anyone else before. All those feelings really make me want to be Aromantic and fit within that label-- even if I might not be 100% black-and-white "aromantic."

I'm young, I'm only 23, so for all I know I could experience romantic attraction sometime within my life. I'm still trying to come to terms with that, because I really do love being aro and participating within this community. But reality is going to be whatever it's going to be, and if I'm not quite aro then I'm not quite aro. But for now, "Bi AroAllo" seems to fit me better than anything else, so for now I'm keeping it!

Hopefully some of this helped you, and I wish you the best of luck in finding your truth

Wow. You put it the exact way that I was trying to but couldn’t! And even though I don’t have a lot to say in response I’m soaking up all that you’re saying, and you’ve helped me a lot!