I’m not sure if I am aro or what I am

[Guest I am confusion]

Hey there! So I used the term grayromantic for a very long time. But I have considered being aromantic or cupioromantic. I have had crushes before, but I heard sexuality is fluid so it could change. I dont know if I would really want to be in a relationship, but have fantasized about it. I have felt romantic attraction 2 times, the newest one was a year ago. Could I have lost the ability to feel romantic attraction and “turn” aro/cupio because sexuality is fluid? 

[Blake]

Ok, ok. First, hello there. ^^ Now to the topic, labels are meant to be used to make it easier for your brain to understand a topic. If you feel like you are inside a label, then use it. If you want to change labels midway it is also ok. Sexuality is messy at best, it is fluid like water, yes, but it can be also unmoving like a rock. Ex. I am aromantic and pansexual. Before I thought I was bisexual, but that changed and now I am pansexual and I am sure that it won't change again. So yes, sexuality is fluid until the point that you are satisfied with what you are experiencing and choose that label. Maybe it will change in the future, but that is up to your future self to work out. Concentrate in your present self.

Having fantasies of being in a relationship and actually being in a relationship are two different things. It is ok if you don't want to be in a relationship, or some if you do not want some of the elements of the relationship. Think in all the things that you would want to do with that other person. If you feel that you want that, then go ahead and experiment. There is nothing wrong with that, just give that other person the heads up that you are experimenting and that maybe it will work out or maybe not, but you are giving it a try. The amount of crushes or the time lapse between them is by no means an indicative that relationships may work out. It is just a number that you have of the amount of times that you have seen someone and went "wow my feelings/emotions are all over the place".

Now to the sentence that caught my interest:

On 6/29/2020 at 12:57 PM, Guest I am confusion said:

Could I have lost the ability to feel romantic attraction and “turn” aro/cupio because sexuality is fluid? 

You could lost the ability to feel certain attractions, but that would mean that your body is actively blocking certain emotions to protect you from reviving a traumatic event. Ex. A dog bit you and from that trauma now you cannot be near dogs (aka PTSD). Aside from that, it is my understanding that sexuality being fluid doesn't mix with being aro/cupio. I am aromantic and always have been. That I did not know it before doesn't change the fact that I have never felt romantic attraction nor that in the future there is 99.99% chance that I won't feel that specific type of attraction. And if I do? Well that is up to future me to decide, cuz 0.01% is also a chance, but does it keeps me up at night? Hell no, cuz I am happy being aro. The realization of me being aro was one of the few times in life that I can say with absolute certainty that it lifted an invisible weight from me. Cuz there was a label for me and I wasn't the only one that experienced x, y, z. It brought happiness, and maybe it brings some things like problems with finding a parther to share my life, but that is in the future. I wanna live the present and enjoy it. ^^ Hope it could help you mate.

[Guest I am (no longer) confusion]

I think I might have figured it out, and your answer helped me a lot! I mistaken romantic attraction and “crushes” and the definition of cupio helped me realized what I was really feeling. This is why I suspected cupioromantic because I felt like it fit me, I thought about it and decided to use the label Cupioromantic. 

[Blake]

Glad to help. have a wonderful day/night/existence

[Mark]

On 7/1/2020 at 1:42 AM, Blake said:

Having fantasies of being in a relationship and actually being in a relationship are two different things.

The same applies to enjoying romantic relationships depicted in fiction.

On 7/1/2020 at 1:42 AM, Blake said:

It is ok if you don't want to be in a relationship, or some if you do not want some of the elements of the relationship. Think in all the things that you would want to do with that other person. If you feel that you want that, then go ahead and experiment. There is nothing wrong with that, just give that other person the heads up that you are experimenting and that maybe it will work out or maybe not, but you are giving it a try.

Also worth asking them what they mean by "a relationship", especially anything they think is "obvious".

On 6/29/2020 at 5:57 PM, Guest I am confusion said:

Could I have lost the ability to feel romantic attraction and “turn” aro/cupio because sexuality is fluid? 

The idea that aros have somehow lost the ability to experience romantic attraction or are, otherwise, "broken allos" is rather toxic.
It's effectively a form of arophobia which avoids challenging amantonormativity and romonormativity.
With this kind of meme being directed at LGBTQ+ people in general. (As well as other minority groups.)

[Guest I am (no longer) Confusion]

I am so sorry if it seemed that I said aros are broken, they arent. I was just wondering if its possible for the loss of ability to feel attraction, I wasnt assuming that all aros are “broken” because they arent! They are 100% valid.