Confused, am I Aro or not?

[Guest Anon]

My first question...Can you develop aromanticism from a traumatic experience?

I think it was 5 or 6 years ago since I completely stopped feeling romantic attraction towards others after an emotionally abusive relationship came to an end. After 2 or 3 years of feeling confused I discovered the term 'Aromantic' and it felt like it clicked perfectly and I was no longer confused.

However 2 years ago my best friend decided we should be more than best friends and even though I was on the rocks about it I eventually agreed and decided 'hey look I can't aro after all'. For the 2 years we've been together I've been so confused about my feelings, at first partaking in romantic interactions with them wasn't particularly bothersome and I thought that maybe the feelings I had towards them were also of a romantic nature but there were a lot of times where I absolutely couldn't stand it and that feeling has since become more permanent and I've been feeling stressed and strained in such situations. 

Is it likely I've been trying to convince myself that those feelings were romantic in nature when in actuality it could have been a deep sense of care in order to not lose a friend?

I don't think I can really distinguish the line between romantic and plationic feelings, everything feels the same to me is that normal? 

I chatted with one of my friends and they said I sound aro in their opinion but I think it'd help to get others views on the situation to help solidify my own!

 

 

 

[Apathetic Echidna]

There is a term that was coined for those people who lose certain attractions because of trauma. When I learned of the term a few years ago there were at least several people identifying as Caedsexual, I'm unsure how many people might use the label Caedromantic though. I saw some backlash/gatekeeping by a few people about the term, but personally I understand wanting to distance from other labels that might make untrue assumptions about my past. For the people who want to acknowledge an influential trauma I'm glad there is a term, but that doesn't mean everyone with influential trauma has to use it. 

That being said, it is fairly well acknowledged that some people naturally have shifts in their experiences which would change which labels they best identify with, especially as there are so many MOGAI/microlabels.

6 hours ago, Guest Anon said:

I don't think I can really distinguish the line between romantic and plationic feelings, everything feels the same to me is that normal? 

To me this sounds similar to the experiences Quoiromantics describe, and then there is the associated microlabel Nebularomantic (which I don't think I have ever seen in use, but then I haven't specifically looked). It all really just depends on which labels you feel you identify with. 

 

of course all of that is about going specific, which you don't have to do. Being a general term and mostly self defined you can always use Aspec as a label or stick with Aromantic if that is what you feel is the best. 

Edited June 23, 2020 by Apathetic Echidna

[Momo]

3 minutes ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

To me this sounds similar to the experiences Quoiromantics describe, and then there is the associated microlabel Nebularomantic (which I don't think I have ever seen in use, but then I haven't specifically looked).

For what it's worth, I use nebularomantic when I'm in the mood to be very specific. But usually I just use aro because microlabels aren't that important to me personally.

4 minutes ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

For the people who want to acknowledge an influential trauma I'm glad there is a term, but that doesn't mean everyone with influential trauma has to use it. 

This pretty much sums up my thoughts too.