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Flurkin

Scared of relationships

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I am wondering if, being scared of being attracted romantically/physically to others, regardless of age/race/gender/orientation etc is a sign of being aro? 

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It can be!

Regarding romantic relationships:

I can only speak about my own experience though. Personally, I was always fond of the idea of a relationship. Like, yeah I wanna be best friends with someone for life? A person who is obligated to listen to me rant when I have to? Duh! (but lmao that last meant that I needed therapy. But I digress)

 

But everytime someone was romantically interested in me / had a crush on me, my gut instinct was to run away. I can't describe it other than fear mixed with a little bit of digust (not all Aros feel this in this intensity). I never understood why they couldn't just stop? Or if my friends were in dreadful relationships, it confused me why they would stay? If they know it's unhealthy, why couldn't they just cut it? For a long time, I was wondering if my familiar trauma caused an intense fear and lack of commitment. But really, I just never wanted to be in a relationship. A good identifier is, have you ever had a crush?

 

A crush is said to be one of the first/ most basic forms of romantic attraction. So if you've never had one and you're in your late teens, it could be a sign that you're aro. If you've only had one or two? Maybe take some time to assess if that was you having a crush or if it was you feeling like you HAD to have a crush. Compulsory romantic feelings aren't romantic feelings. But if you have had a crush, chances are that you're not aro! 

 

Regarding physical relationships:

Some aro individuals, also ace individuals, are repulsed by physical relationships. I would look into the terms sex-repulsed and romance-repulsed. But I can't comment too much since I don't share the same sentiment.

I will say that I am selective with the people I'm physically affectionate with. I quite literally will only be physically affectionate with someone if there is no chance of them catching feelings for me.

 

If you do take the discovery journey and figure out that you're aro/ace, congrats! Welcome to the fam!

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It can certainly be. Fear of the unknown is common for most people (that is why on core people fear death, since you don't know what happens after). Having an anxious feeling is completely normal, more so if you haven't been in a relationship before, since you do not know what to expect or what is expected of you. From my experience, own the fear, if you have curiosity along with that fear, then exploring it can be an option, otherwise you don't know if it is for you or not. Of course, do it with someone you 1000% trust, because exposing yourself the first time can be overwhelming. You can be romance repulsed, or touch averse, but that is up to you to decide. I know I am somewhat romance repulsed to certain activities, like hand holding, but it is because I feel nothing of it and the expectation of my partner of that activity is what makes me uncomfortable, not the activity itself, if my partner has cristal clear that when doing that activity I would only do it to make they comfy then I am ok with it, otherwise it brings anxiety.

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