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reasons for coming out?


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Well, I came out to my mom as aro last "national coming out day". Though, I didn't use the word "aromantic" (I DID show her my flag), as she is very averse to sexuality labels. I explained it in very basic terms, that I'm not attracted to anyone and may never be. (I did leave some room for leeway there, as I'm grey.)

But aside from my mother, I don't see a real need to "come out". If I were gay or bi and would be dating accordingly, sure, people might need to know beforehand, but I don't think most people need an explanation beyond "I'm not interested". If they ever prodded further I would explain, but otherwise I wouldn't go through the trouble.
That said, I walk around with aro and ace pins on my purse, and a few people have recognized it here and there. (Also, I currently have an ace pin on my work uniform. And one customer did ask me about it, so I was "forced", for lack of better word, to come out as ace-spec in that sitch.)

But not to invalidate anyone who does feel a need to come out! I guess I'm curious what your reasons are for wanting to come out to people that aren't immediate family.

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I would say 3 things :

1) because saying "I'm not interested" and "I'm aro" is not the same thing (you can be allo but not be interested, and aro but interested, though usually we use the label aro to explain why we are not interested); people will think that being "not interested" will change or that it is a weird thing; and also, people will probably ask why I am not interested, or worst make hypothesis on their own (like I am too childish,  or I had trauma, whatever)

2) because it came out that way in the conversation... I came put when we a were talking about attraction or crushes; like when this friend told me something about his crushes (can't remember what), and asked me if the same thing happens to me... "Well no, I am aromantic"

3) because most people don't know aromanticism is a thing and it is a way to tell them. I mean, I don't came out to spend awareness, but if the subject is bring, then I'll explain that I am not in couple not because I am not interested,  but because I, like other people, don't feel romantic attraction, that this is not the only way to find happiness (aka amatonormativity).

Though I will more come out to people I feel at easy with : I won't come out to people if I don't feel safe I think... which basically explain why contrary to you, I am out to my friends and not my family (well, I finally told my mum recently but I had to explain to her why this is valid ; and she is the tolerant one in the family).


Also, think about it : Why do you feel the need to come out to your mum instead of saying "not interested"? Probably, the same feeling that pushes you to do this pushes other to come out to other people.

Edited by nonmerci
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Reasons I have come out or want to come out:

  1. I deserve to get to authentically, honestly live my life as who I am, including the identity labels I've chosen
  2. I do not like being misread or assumed as straight - it exhausts and upsets me
  3. Visibility is important for a variety of reasons, including helping others so they don't have to feel lost and broken and alone
  4. Because you can and should be able to talk about things like that with people you trust
  5. Because I was excited to learn there was a word for how I felt and genuinely wanted to share
  6. To connect with others
  7. Because, once initial explanations are out of the way, it's easier and quicker to say than going through whole descriptions of how I feel
  8. Pun opportunities >D
  9. Because I'm involved in aspec education and activism and it shows credibility to be able to talk about my own personal experiences
  10. Because my identity is not something to be ashamed of, it's not 18+, and it's not something I obligated to hide or keep secret - it's a part of me and I deserve to get to talk about that, just like anybody else
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