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How does an aromantic go about finding a partner in parenting?


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Uhhh so here's my slight conundrum- even if this will hopefully happens years and years down the line, I recently realized I would like to be a parent someday! And were I not aromantic or trans I'm sure there would be no issues. The problem is that I am in fact both of these things. And on top of that, I'm sure single parenting would not be my thing.

Having grown up, I had experienced some parental neglect. Given the chance, I would like to ensure any child I raised to adulthood (not necessarily from infancy as I hope to adopt) is not left without adults to go to. I'm not sure how one goes about looking for someone to parent with them with none of the romantic strings attached, and I was wondering if anyone had thoughts? I can't really go to dating sites as they're primarily for these kinds of relationships, and while the thought of trying on forums such as this did cross my mind.... I don't do too great with long distance relationships, friendships or otherwise. Anyone think it might be realistic enough that I meet another allo aro who might want a similar family arrangement? The only other I met does not like kids at all.

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I just decided to have a kid alone (haven't yet), but I can see why people would not do that... plus I am ace so it may explain why I don't want a partner.

maybe you can try on forum like this, see if anyone leaves near you? I don'r know.

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There's a site, coparents.com, that's for the purpose of advertising for coparents. I don't know how active it is.

 

If I wanted to parent and was looking for a coparent to help me, I'd personally want someone I'd known a while, knew how they handled stress and stressful emotions, and got along with. So I'd probably start by looking around my friend group to see if anybody else wanted to coparent with a non-romantic partner. I would probably also get more involved in whatever local queer orgs, meetups, and activities were around me, as it seems like there may be a slightly greater than average chance of meeting more people a) open to 'non-traditional' familial systems, and b) who might feel similarly to me.

 

Honestly, I think I wouldn't immediately discount dating apps either. I would just be very open and clear about the fact that I was searching for a non-romantic partner to coparent (down the line) with. I do imagine you wouldn't get many hits, but I think a lot of people turn to dating apps for a variety of social needs simply due to their popularity and that they are one of the most obvious ways to try and meet people, no matter what sort of relationship you're looking for.

 

I would also look into communal living options. Communal living tends to promote and foster truly interconnected communities of neighbors that all pitch in to keep things going smoothly, including being involved with each other's children.

 

Finally, I would remember that whether you single parent or coparent, any parent should be helping foster and encourage other relationships with their child beyond them. That could include your family, your friends, their teachers, their sports/extracurricular coaches/leaders, musical teachers, a nanny, relationships through community service, etc. Of course the support system for you may look and feel pretty different if you coparent or single parent, but either way, your kid(s) should have a variety of other relationships and people they can depend on regardless.

 

Good luck!

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