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confused

Not sure if I’m aromantic

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I’ve never really had any interest in pursuing a romantic relationship or have been comfortable receiving affection, but a friend confessed to me a while ago and I accepted since I thought I should just try it out. Whenever they try to be affectionate towards me I try my best to change the subject. I thought I had a crush on them but I never expected them to like me back. Now that I’m in a relationship I feel tied down and I’m beginning to lose interest. I don’t want to hurt their feelings but I also don’t want to be in a relationship. I’m not sure if I’m aromantic or if I just don’t feel romantic attraction towards them specifically.

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Hey

It sounds like you have started to question to a substantial degree as to whether you are or not.

Allthough no one else can answer this question for you, from an outsiders perspective looking in I would suggest there is a reasonable possibility you are.

Keep up the introspection and I am sure the answer will come to you once the times right.

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Hey there! That's a really tough position you find yourself in.

 

I know this isn't exactly what you were looking for advice regarding, but I would encourage you to be honest with your friend sooner rather than later. There probably will be hurt feelings - but the longer you draw out doing this, the worse it's gonna be. It's unfair to you both to stay in this relationship when you don't want to.

 

As for if you're aromantic or just not interested in your friend specifically, I agree with Sufletromanesc that you're doing well by thinking about it! Some times it just takes more time to work these things out. I think the fact that you've never been interested in pursuing a romantic relationship is something to keep in mind. Now that you've tried it once, have things changed? Are you still largely uninterested?

 

Remember, labels aren't about taking some test and getting back a 100% positive, absolutely, for sure, result of "you're [x] identity!". Labels are about us. What helps us communicate how we feel? What makes us feel connected and/or comfortable and/or safe to identify as? What labels help you connect to others with similar experiences?

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Hey. If you thought you had a crush on them, maybe you were just feeling strong platonic love. If you don’t feel the romantic connection, try to find a way to let them down easy. If your still not sure, don’t worry! No one will get mad if you go back on it later. Romantic attraction is supposed to grow and change, and the best path is to let it do its thing.

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Oh, this sounds very close to my own personal experience. I really liked the guy, thought I wanted to be closer, but also was questioning if I was actually aromantic. Being in a romantic relationship felt so wrong. Being a 'girlfriend' felt wrong. I broke up when I realized I was avoiding him, and that way I could salvage at least a little bit of the friendship we had before.

If you never had any interest, that sounds pretty aromantic to me. And if you're not aromantic, well then that will make itself known eventually. This is at least the logic I go by. I'm just not interested. This might change, sure, but every year that passes with me still being this way, makes it more likely that I just am this way.

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