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How can I deal with my aromantism????


Dudu7700
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Hello?. I dicovered that I am in Aspec a few months ago(even though I am still questioning it a bit?). The thing is that I often feel weird because it. It is not like I am depressed or something(maybe a little?). It is more like I feel this weird feeling that I am alone and I will end up alone. Something like anxiety because I can not feel love and so. Am I only one who has this feeling? Almost like emptiness. That I can not be as happy as I want  just because I was tought that love is important and bla bla bla we all know it.

I even think to start something with someone. To try if I am really Aro or not. But then there is that little voice telling me that love can not be forced and that I can not force feelings. 

So my question is: What were you doing before you fully accept that you are Aro?? Didi you tried dating?? Can you give me some advice??

I am questionig every day if it is ok. To not feel love. It is weird for me, because a lot of youngsters that I know have partners and I am feeling a bit out of place. And love problems of my best friend are not helping.?

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I think one thing that helps is connecting with more aromantic people, like you did by joining here, and could do by following more aromantic social media blogs/creators. Just realizing how you're not the only one who feels the way you do can help immensely, but also, you'll probably be exposed to a lot of talk about coping with and unlearning amatonormative messages - and that can really help. Finally, just give yourself some time and be patient with yourself! There's stages of processing and coming to terms with your identity - even if you've known how you felt, finding a term for it can make it somehow real and concrete and that can be scary and hard.

 

I'm actually caedromantic, so I did date when I was alloro, but even if trauma hadn't turned me aro, I still wouldn't date again after my experience. I just realized that people, especially romantic partners, just want more time, energy, focus, and dedication than I actually have the energy to give them. I personally found dating exhausting and limiting and, yeah, that is tinged by the fact that it was abusive, but spending time with others is something I struggled with even in friendships, where a lot of people just want to be together a lot more than I want to be with people and dating was just an exponential increase of those mismatches.

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On 2/27/2020 at 10:21 PM, Dudu7700 said:

What were you doing before you fully accept that you are Aro?? Didi you tried dating??

I have never tried anything significant because it just does not interest me. Most of the time I don't even think about it and life goes on.

I did (french) kiss and was not impressed. I did dating 'screening' a few times (you know, the get to know each others and check if it is worth dating) and I always felt cold, uninterested and awkward. I invited a guy home once: I felt pathetic for being naive because I did not even consider that he could overthink our dinner (=> another awkward rejection).

I have never firmly ruled out sex but the fact that I am very particular about it and don't want romantic drama makes it very unlikely.

On 2/27/2020 at 10:21 PM, Dudu7700 said:

That I can not be as happy as I want  just because I was tought that love is important and bla bla bla we all know it.

When I was younger I was more influenced by what other people told me. I was also feeling a bit upset that I could not live the same as everybody else. But I always wanted to stay true to myself, and my guts told me not to date. Now I realized more clearly that I wanted different things in my life. I had great platonic friendships before and this is the only thing that I painfully miss right now.

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