Whistle Posted September 6, 2019 Share Posted September 6, 2019 So. At the local lgbt+ club today we were talking about bi+ folks a lot in celebration of bi month, and while I stayed quiet because I don't identify as bi, it got me thinking again about how I define my orientation. I'm definitely ace, and I identified as full-on standard aro for a while as well, but lately I'm questioning that. I know there are multiple types of attraction, and that even with or without any of those people can want relationships or different versions of relationships or not want relationships at all for a number of reasons, so it gets pretty messy as to where the distinction really matters. But I'm someone who likes to have a fitting label, as a tool to help understand my experience yknow. I definitely experience aesthetic attraction- people are pretty, and cute, and I adore people! And I've had the odd case of sensual attraction- just wanting the casual cuddles / arm around kind of interactions with someone, but I don't know if those were Really Crushes of some form or just "I'm touch starved and this person was nearby and therefore a handy daydream component" (not that I acted on any- each of those cases were someone I just newly chatted with a bit). I'm also prone to, when a person does or says something that can be construed as having possible subtext regarding interest in me, I'll get excited sort of hyperfocusing on my interactions with them? Even if I wouldn't have thought about them at all previously. And on occasion, there will be someone I find myself admiring/appreciating intensely, and it's like... I don't know if that's what a romantic feeling is, or alterous, or if I'm just soft toward people I admire? All this, adoring people, loving their aesthetics, and naturally tending towards being tender to people I care about... it feels like muddy territory, and I'm always baffled when I encounter a distinct sort of feeling about someone, and am always determined to identify what that is. At the same time, I theoretically like the idea of a relationship (though I don't know how much time/focus I can really put into one- I like doing my own thing, and not being expected to check in with someone specific I guess)- I like the idea of being tender towards someone, and having that sort of standard dynamic of allowing casual touch, putting an arm around or cuddling or whatever (especially since I have a large personal bubble in general- I do not initiate touch unless it's already established as the norm with that person). And I guess I'm trying to figure out how that fits with the feelings I have (though of course I understand that a relationship can be whatever all parties agree to, regardless of attraction or lack thereof). While I have this sense of "there are people of some different genders I have found myself feeling various intrigued or adoring things about," I've been sort of (noncommital ehhh noise and wavy hand gesture) about considering myself Oriented Enough To Identify That Way, I guess because I feel like feelings are hard to pin down and it's difficult to get a satisfying enough definition of what they are. Anyways, I'm interested in hearing about experiences of folks who are gray aro, or oriented aros- what do your various attractions feel like to you? Why do you identify the way you do? How do you differentiate the different sorts of things you feel for different folks? And where does that distinction matter or not matter for you personally? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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