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Everything posted by Cheerio

  1. Welcome, it's nice to meet you! Also congrats! Finding a label to characterize your feelings and experiences must feel super enlightening and relieving, I know that it was for me anyhow! 😊 As for your question, I think that if you're comfortable with telling your ex and if you want to tell him, then why not?😊 Otherwise, I'd hate for you to feel obligated to justify yourself to him about aspects of the relationship that you might not have had control over. Also, I think I might have an answer for your profile pic question. I'm not sure about what it looks like on your end, but on your personal page, there should be edit option under your circular icon in the upper left.
  2. This notion is more common than you think, you're not alone! I really resonated with your story and I know other people who would as well. The aros that I know (myself included), have all expressed this desire to one day have a platonic relationship or a found family like you described. User, Erederyn, is right. It's not impossible and you won't be alone forever🥺 . We never know who is going to come into our lives in the future, so don't give up hope that you won't cross paths with someone who shares your feelings. A relationship that you never thought was possible may present itself to you someday!
  3. Hi! I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling like this! While certainly not all, plenty of aro people have also experienced intense squishes that you've described, myself included (which can be so confusing!). But it seems like you've been able to discern that your squishes (as the name implies) are not romantic likes "crushes" would be. You've identified with the term aromantic for a reason and that is 100% valid. The intensity of your squishes doesn't matter and shouldn't deter you from wholly identifying with a label that's been the most reflective of your orientation. The other member on this thread said it perfectly: feelings and their intensity vary among everyone in the community and therefore we all experience our aromanticism in different ways. However, we're all united under the label because it's a convenient way to grasp a very complicated part of our identity.
  4. That was a lovely song! You were right about "remember" being distinct and beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that!
  5. serendipity, clear, dulcet, honey, quaint, remember
  6. Yep, that'd be cool as well! I'm sure there will be more variety once more people take it!
  7. Oh, don't worry, I'm well aware that not everyone shares the same worldview! Otherwise, there wouldn't be a variety of possible outcomes. Even among those who got caring/left liberal, you can tell that we answered the questions somewhat differently based on the percentages themselves. I just thought it was funny how recurring those results were.
  8. Care 86% Loyalty 25% Fairness 58% Authority 48% Purity 72% Liberty 44% Your strongest moral foundation is Care. Your morality is...you guessed it... closest to that of a Left-Liberal.😂 How interesting that so many of us got similar results.
  9. I'm also an INFJ! We out here lol!!!
  10. It's always really confused me too! So apparently, flirting is laughing a lot at what the other person is saying, lightly teasing them, touching them, maintaining strong eye contact, asking them questions about themselves, complimenting them, etc. To me, this is just a regular, friendly conversation. Needless to say, as someone who is aro/ace, the irony of having a "flirtatious" personality is not lost on me. I guess the difference between flirting and conversing normally, is the subtext. Oftentimes, I think, even non aspec people have trouble distinguishing what is flirting and what isn't.
  11. I too have been feeling like this lately. It's easy to feel alienated, especially when you don't know any aro/ace people online or in real life who can relate to you! A couple of other users on here have said this as well but please feel free to message me (and that goes for anyone else reading this too)! I would love to talk with you guys anytime! This loneliness is difficult to deal with but what's the point of this forum if we don't also use it to help one another through things like this? The best way to combat loneliness is by connecting with one another and sharing our stories/thoughts!
  12. I have also had mixed experiences. Firstly, my mother doesn't think that aro and ace are real orientations. When I told her about what I was feeling, or rather, wasn't feeling, she told me that that's normal because she felt/feels the same way (i.e. my mother is probably aspec and just doesn't realize it lmao). On the other hand, I attend a pretty liberal college so many people here are very understanding and supportive of the LGBT+ community but not everyone knows about aromanticism and/or asexuality. Of the few people that I've told, I've gotten a few "it's probably just a phase" and "maybe you're really just afraid" but I've also gotten positive reactions as well! Sometimes though, it feels as if I'm not really out because I don't have anyone to talk to who is aromantic who will understand, relate to, and care about my identity. I'm reminded of this every time I come out and have to explain what aromanticism and/or asexuality is, while they nod confusedly. Its difficult to talk about with non-aro people even if they are understanding. Despite this, I don't think I've ever regretted telling anyone. It's liberating to feel as if you're no longer hiding part of yourself from other people.
  13. Hi! I'm a 19 y/o college student and your feelings and experiences sound very similar to mine! It's super cool and validating to hear about people older than me who are aromantic because contrary to what people say, aromanticism is not "just a phase". But since I don't have any aromantic people to talk to in real life, I sometimes start doubting myself until I read stories like yours. Thank you!.
  14. Sure! Connie Glynn is definitely a good one. So are yasmin benoit, Blue Pheonix Ace, and Celeste M! All of them have a bunch of stuff about aromanticism. There are also coming out videos by a YouTubers Nik Hamshire and one by Eva Abidin. Their entire channel isn't dedicated to aromanticism but I totally related to and appreciated their coming out videos. Also, if you go onto youtube and just type in "aromantic", things should pop up!
  15. You're not too young at all! I was about 14 when I realized that I was aromantic because, like you, I hated romance in television/books and couldn't understand why I didn't have "crushes" like my friends were describing them. I ignored this discovery and tried to convince myself that I wasn't aromantic for awhile. But now, I'm 19 and I realize that that's what I truly am. If you really have no urge to change the fact that you're not in a relationship, then don't. Your peace of mind and your thoughts on dating are a priority and you shouldn't change that just because you feel pressured to. There's nothing wrong with you for not experiencing the same desires as "everyone else" because there are plenty of aromantic people who feel the same way. For me, what helped with coming to terms with my own aromanticism, was going on youtube and watching other aromantic people sharing their stories. I realized that 1) I could relate to many of their stories and 2) that there were a lot more of us than I had previously thought. The road to self discovery can be difficult, but on arocalypse, there are plenty of people who can support you on your journey! Just know that your feelings are completely valid and that you deserve to live your life any way that you want to live it.
  16. I definitely agree! At my college, which is overwhelmingly white, it's difficult for me to find LGBT+ spaces where I feel truly at home as a black aro/ace female.
  17. No problem! Using any kind of app and/or finding relationships like this can be intimidating, but be patient with yourself and do what you're comfortable with. You'll eventually find what you're looking for! Best of luck!
  18. So, like I said, I thought that I was bisexual/biromantic (and was in total denial that I was aro/ace) so I never ended up using it other than swiping left on everyone because I didn't really want a relationship romantic or otherwise😂. I do however, have friends who love this app and actually prefer it over tinder. All of the people I know use it, say that it's great because even though you don't match with people who have that specific setting, you know exactly what kind of relationship they want without really having to ask. Depending on how big the area is, (for example if it's large), I'm sure that you'll find plenty of people who just want "something casual". The fun profile questions makes it easier to strike up a conversation.
  19. Can I suggest the app Bumble? I tried to use this when I still thought I was bisexual lmao but it is super cute! You can indicate what kind of relationship you're looking for on your profile; anywhere from "something casual", "friends" or "relationship". You can see what other people are interested in as well so you can choose people who are only looking for sex.
  20. Up until recently, I thought that all of my squishes were crushes. I would really want to spend time with someone and become close with them but I would confuse wanting to be like their best friend with wanting to be in a romantic relationship with them. I would think that it might be nice to cuddle with them or hold hands but it wasn't until I was on dates or in situations that had "romantic vibes" that I realized that thats not what I wanted at alllll lmao. Any attraction (platonic or otherwise, I'm still questioning) that I would have, would disappear immediately once it was reciprocated. I could only think about how much I wanted to get away from the person (girl or guy-I used to think I was bisexual) no matter how nice they were. Now, I know how to differentiate platonic attraction from what could possibly romantic attraction. Ex. I get super excited, fond and/or "soft" towards people and I'm like "is this romantic attraction?" but then I think about kissing them or something and I'm like "nooope"😂. Like you, I tend to have aesthetic attraction and the occasional bouts of sensual attraction where I really want to hug someone for a long time. I sometimes consider that I might be gray romantic because, in theory, I might be open to having a QPR or a plantonic relationship in general with someone; like a platonic life partner or something.
  21. that aromanticism is a choice and that we identify as aro just because we can't find someone who'll date us
  22. YMBAI if you forget/can't fathom the fact that there are actually people who want nothing more in life than to fall in love and marry.
  23. 1) I also did this!!^^^ (And still do😂). 2) I would also look up "what do crushes feel like?" online 3) I couldn't understand why I would get so angry/annoyed when someone assumed that I had a "crush" on them or when someone made a move on me. 4) I absolutely hated romance on television and was super dramatic about it lol. I'm older now so I'm kind of resigned, but it still annoys me and I avoid watching/reading things that I know have heavy romantic plots in them. 5) I didn't realize (until I was older) that other people actually fantasize about being with a romantic partner. When I was a teen, my adult fantasies were (and still are) about me living in a cute house, in a beautiful area surrounded by nature, either by myself or with a close friend(s)/roommate(s).
  24. Hi everyone! My name is Kaitlyn and I’m currently in the process of accepting my identity as aro/ace! I actually just made an account on AVEN as well so I'll just copy and paste my intro🤣 I stumbled across the term aro/ace online when I was 14 (I’m nearly 20 now) and it was like everything clicked into place. Other people were describing experiences that I could actually relate with! However, my joyous revelation soon turned to disappointment because it seemed as if everyone in the “real world” was dating someone or at least crushing on someone. I wasn’t interested in romance, yet, I was terrified at the thought of being lonely for the rest of my life. So in senior year of high school, I began to put myself out there. Throughout senior year, freshman year of college, and then part of sophomore year, I would occasionally have platonic/emotional crushes on people (and confuse this for romance) and I never failed to become disinterested, repulsed and even alarmed when they wanted to preform romantic gestures with me in turn. I was so confused because this kept happening over and over and over again. For a while, I considered that I might possibly be a lesbian or bisexual but I soon realized that I didn't want to date girls either, at least in the traditional sense. I would try to find answers about my “situation” by searching online and ironically (and disappointingly for me at the time), the only results that would appear were from aromantic and asexuality themed forums. I was incredibly bummed about this until recently. I attended pride and briefly met a girl who also identified as aro/ace. She’s the first person who I had ever met who identified as such. Realizing that I wasn’t alone and that it was possible for people to live happily as aromantic and asexual was so incredibly liberating. I actually cried lmao! This was a few weeks ago and I am still coming to terms with it. I still struggle with self doubt every now and then but overall, I feel as if a huge pressure has been lifted off of my chest. It's super cool and validating to have online forums like Arocalypse and I'm excited to join this community. Sorry this is so long lol
  25. I am in the same boat as you Ruth! I too just recently started accepting myself as aromantic/asexual and I am slowly coming to terms with it. I struggle with self doubt every now and then but I become more content when I remind myself that I don't have to be in a relationship. I know personally that I wouldn't be happy in one anyway (regardless of what people/the media says) so why would I sacrifice my happiness in order to fit in? Struggling to overcome society's expectations is super difficult but it can be done with determination and by being patient with yourself! No matter what anyone says, friendships are just as valid and as strong and as romantic relationships, if not, in some cases, stronger. Still, if I find myself feeling down, I always feel better when I watch aromantic youtubers talk about their experiences or search for aro/ace memes🤣.
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