spaceghostkid Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Hello! ((Trigger Warning: self-harm)) I know that I am aro, but I had only realized this before I told my best friend I had a crush on her. She said she liked me back and I was so happy. A couple days later I realized I had made a terrible mistake. She was my closest friend ever and I could tell her absolutely anything. She became someone I would go to for comfort and I began to think I had a crush on her when in reality I just wanted her attention because I was suffering from self-harm. I told her everything and she was super supportive. Eventually, I stopped self-harming (yay!) and I noticed that I was distancing myself from her. I feel terrible that I lied to her and I don't know how she would react if I said that I don't actually have a crush on her. I'm very new to the aromantic community so I'm very confused about how to deal with this. Does anyone have any advice??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jot-Aro Kujo Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 I was in a similar situation once, although admittedly mine lasted much longer and also started for very different reasons (no self-harm involved, but a lot more pressure from other friends who "shipped" us). My advice is to just... Be honest with her. I don't think it's really "lying" if you misunderstood your own feelings. Tell her your line of thought, explain the misunderstanding, and make it clear that you do still care for her in a non-romantic sense. She sounds like a good friend, so I think she'll probably understand. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceghostkid Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 Thanks! I will try in the near future (hopefully haha) I'll make sure to update what happens as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aro_elise Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 You gotta tell her, before it goes too far. Trust me, you'll both be hurt less in the long run if you do. You don't have to tell her you're aro but communicate your mistake. And don't feel badly, we've all been in some situations. Additionally, I would suggest talking to someone else, ideally a mental health professional, about any issues you may be having. Again, speaking from experience, it helps. Not that you shouldn't lean on your friends for support (and support them) but you can't depend on them to be your therapist. That's not the purpose of friendship. I don't mean for this to sound harsh; I just want you and your friend to be able to maintain a healthy relationship and for you both to be happy. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceghostkid Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 I know! At this point, I think she's beginning to realize it herself. She's still very supportive and I support her too. I also do have a therapist, which I have had for a little over a year. Thank you for your concern! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aro_elise Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Oh, that's great! I'm looking for a new one, myself. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anything_but_allo Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Hi there! I’m so glad that you’ve stopped harming yourself, that is a terrible thing to go through, I hope you continue to do well ? as for your friend, jsut tell her that you made a mistake, and that you don’t have a crush on her. But tell her that you love her with all your heart platonically, and that you wish to continue to be best friends. Welcome to the community! ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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