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Hello Arocalypse


Zthefrog
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Hi everyone I'm Z (he/him),

 

I identify as a non-binary person, I've been out as trans for about 8 years now.

I also figured/came out as ace about 9 years ago (before my gender, lol) though I've gone through a lot of doubt and strife since then. I spent a lot of time on Aven lol.

And as of a month or two ago I put together the pieces that I'm Aromantic.

And today/yesterday I figured out I have a high sensual drive, and I have a lot of Lushes/Swishes, and that's why figuring out people has been so hard.

 

I've had a lot of ok, neutral, and bad relationships over the years and recently went through a pretty bad breakup because I've just always felt different and I thought one day I'd find the right person and it'd work out (it didn't). That's where the ace thing was hard because I could always tell I wanted to touch people but then overdo it and well that doesn't work out for me. I always thought I must experience romantic attraction until recently when I learned more about aromantic people, and realized all the things I found fault with romance was completely normal for aromantic people. I couldn't understand what I didn't experience.

And now finally I'm able to accept fully I'm ace and aro, because I understand sex as much as romance, so I couldn't pretend to know one without the other. Idk I hope that makes sense.

 

Anyways, that's all the long way of saying: I'm not new to being ace/queer, but I'm new to being aro and accepting the sensual part of me.

I'm working on unpacking all that and learning to love myself through it. I'm also terrified of touching people because I basically traumatized myself for so long through sex. It's a long uphill battle, but I finally feel like I understand myself more.

 

Ok, on the not real deep side, I have a beautiful cat, I knit socks, I do aerial yoga, and I'm in grad school and in my 20s. 

 

I'm specifically interested in finding stories/examples of people who figured out they were aroace after dating or aroaces and navigating really strong sensual attraction without shame. It's the academic in me lol.

 

Thanks for reading all that, if you did. I look forward to seeing y'all in the forum!

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Hi Z, welcome to Arocalypse! :aroicecream:
It sure seems like it's harder to figure out your romantic orientation than the sexual one so, congrats!
I can understand your fear of touching people due to sex.
Although I don't classify myself as ace, I know what it's like when you don't understand your own desires completely because other factors interfere.
I developed reluctance of touching people because of the fear they'd think I'm romantically interested in them, so I kinda relate.

"I've had a lot of ok, neutral, and bad relationships over the years and recently went through a pretty bad breakup because I've just always felt different and I thought one day I'd find the right person and it'd work out (it didn't)"
Same!

Hope you have a good time here with many like-minded people!

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Hi and welcome!

first thing first 

On 1/24/2019 at 4:47 PM, Zthefrog said:

I do aerial yoga

what is this? it sounds so cool but I am slightly scared about the search results if I googled it. Knitting socks is also cool. My mother is trying to perfect the perfect sock pattern so I have a bunch of her practice pairs, and I do find home made to be far superior to bought :) 

 

I'm sad that you went through such pain and trouble. I can only hope that the saying 'struggle makes us strong' is true.  

To intrigue your academic side, I identify as Apressexual because I only feel sexual attraction after strong sensual attraction, though most of the time I only experience sensual attraction. The strength of my sensual attraction vary widely, and it is only infrequently that the feelings are strong. As for navigating my life without shame....well I don't think I have that one worked out yet, but acknowledging that sensual attraction should not lead to friendship if the person is a complete dick is a lesson I have learned. 

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