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About Zthefrog

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  1. I feel like you both brought up longevity, but I feel like that also comes with a price/metal. My favorite ring was a wooden, but that's not as popular of a medium unfortunately :/. I do think I'm going to get the resin rings eventually, I can only hope theyve worked on the durability.
  2. Hey, it can be really scary just starting out in the dating world, even if it wasn't your plan to be there. I figured out I was aro ace after a lot of relationships and hiccups. But I don't regret following my heart and trying, I just wished I had thought about being aro earlier. The biggest thing I can say is there is nothing wrong with being curious. Gay people who are comfortable in their gayness have still had not-gay experiences out of curiosity. Ace and Aromantic people can also. Maybe you're aro, maybe you're not. You're definitely romantically curious right now and if it's a good feeling follow it. You're thinking really hard about this, and it's good you care so much about staying true to yourself. Curiosity isn't an identity, its more of a taste for adventure. Only you get decide if the adventure feels good/right. If I were you, I'd worry less about being aro and more about if dating him feels right. If you do end up dating, and it doesn't, you're always allowed to say you don't want to be in a relationship anymore. Be honest about your feelings and be gentle with yourself as well! Follow your gut and know you're trying your best. That's all any of us can do.
  3. See I think people don't have enough deal breakers, and are more afraid of leaving a relationship than staying. We don't empower people to stay single, locking people in to giving up parts of themselves for love. The common practice of dating is so possessive and ownership based, and people aren't aware of it or the harm. If you fear breaking up or being single, that's a problem. Regardless of sexuality. I once had a partner say theyd rather stay in a bad relationship than be single. Which turned into they'd rather stay bad friends than be alone. It's a huge blow to self confidence and worth on the other side to know someone isn't valuing you, but wants to avoid losing you more.
  4. So I like the idea of wearing a white ring on my left middle finger for aro, and black one on my right middle finger for ace. I've worn a black ring before and I like the symmetry and duality. These are the rings I've had my eye on because I like gold lately: Black and White stacking resin rings I've also been eyeing these: Ace Ring Trans ring I also bet if someone wanted they could comission an aro flag ring. This person has such a wide variety. They are so gorgeous too!
  5. I relate with this so heavily! It's like we put arbitrary boundaries on friendship and dating and it's so hurtful and restrictive. I know I had to come to turns recently that I need to hold back from friends things they may view as romantic or too much for their sake. I don't want to have these boundaries, but it's the only way I get to have control and make a choice. Finding the ideal people/person who break this amatonormative system has been good for me so far. One way I figured out I was aro was for the longest time I had this dream of a partner, a cat, a kid, all the romantic bells and whistles. And I met someone who clicked on all those levels. But then when we got together I couldn't deliver on the romance, the possessiveness, the hierarchy. I could pretend for him for only so long, but the initial excitement of being close with someone wore off when it became too much. Experience does help shape dreams, and now I have completely different ones. I want to see more writing and possible write more where aro characters are able to escape amatonormativy and feel loved and safe. And maybe that's a flat with dogs. That's valid. It's going to be hard to find the right people, the right situation. But even romantic people aren't happy all the time, just gotta find the right opportunity and be honest of your feelings with others.
  6. Hi everyone I'm Z (he/him), I identify as a non-binary person, I've been out as trans for about 8 years now. I also figured/came out as ace about 9 years ago (before my gender, lol) though I've gone through a lot of doubt and strife since then. I spent a lot of time on Aven lol. And as of a month or two ago I put together the pieces that I'm Aromantic. And today/yesterday I figured out I have a high sensual drive, and I have a lot of Lushes/Swishes, and that's why figuring out people has been so hard. I've had a lot of ok, neutral, and bad relationships over the years and recently went through a pretty bad breakup because I've just always felt different and I thought one day I'd find the right person and it'd work out (it didn't). That's where the ace thing was hard because I could always tell I wanted to touch people but then overdo it and well that doesn't work out for me. I always thought I must experience romantic attraction until recently when I learned more about aromantic people, and realized all the things I found fault with romance was completely normal for aromantic people. I couldn't understand what I didn't experience. And now finally I'm able to accept fully I'm ace and aro, because I understand sex as much as romance, so I couldn't pretend to know one without the other. Idk I hope that makes sense. Anyways, that's all the long way of saying: I'm not new to being ace/queer, but I'm new to being aro and accepting the sensual part of me. I'm working on unpacking all that and learning to love myself through it. I'm also terrified of touching people because I basically traumatized myself for so long through sex. It's a long uphill battle, but I finally feel like I understand myself more. Ok, on the not real deep side, I have a beautiful cat, I knit socks, I do aerial yoga, and I'm in grad school and in my 20s. I'm specifically interested in finding stories/examples of people who figured out they were aroace after dating or aroaces and navigating really strong sensual attraction without shame. It's the academic in me lol. Thanks for reading all that, if you did. I look forward to seeing y'all in the forum!
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