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Was anyone else also always so confused as to why romantic partners were above all other relationships? Like before you knew you were aro?


Anything_but_allo
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Hi everyone, me again :) first off thank you for all the support I’ve been getting from my posts lately! It means a lot and I’ve been feeling less alone about my feelings know. But I was just curious if others felt this way as well, before they even knew they were aro (like I did.) Anyways, well ever since I’m as quite young I always remember feeling awfully confused as to why romantic relationships were put into higher standards. The thought of meeting one person, (someone that I literally just met) and locking eyes with them and thinking, “oh man, they’re the love of my life. I wanna spend every moment of my life with them.” And pretty much go off with them and not really be with friends or family that much anymore felt so stupid and weird. Like why and how? Isn’t that selfish towards your friends and family? What about other people in your life? You just forget about them and give all of your love and attention to one person? I realize not all relationships are like this, but one of the biggest things that makes me uncomfortable about romantic relationships (and even qpr’s to a certain extent) is the amount of attention and time you give to one person. I honestly never understood how someone wouldn’t get exhausted or stressed after awhile. Just curious though if anyone else feels the same way I do, or maybe did for a long time. Thank you all again! 💚

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I never wondered it before knowing about aromanticism. However, I do admit that I was once confused about the "I want to always being with my romantic Partner" thing. When I was in high school, I said that I would hate marrying someone who works at the same place as I do, because I would be tired, and my friends look at me as if I was an alien and told me that when you love someone, you want to be with him/her every minute.

I also never understand why, in the movies, when the hero/heroine  has to chose because a love interest and someone else, he/she always choses the love interest, no matter who is the other person (a best friend, a brother, a parent). Worst, most of the time the other person is ok with, even ecourages it! I Don't have a precise movie in mind, but I'm sure I've already seen a plot where the hero had to chose between saving his dad or his lover, the dad was like "it's ok son, I understand, go and save her, she is yur future".

 

So even if I never really wonder about that before I knew, I guess I had thoughts sometimes about how weird it is that romance is above any other relationships. I even started a book where the hero and a girl are very closed but not in love because I wanted to say that other bounds are important and strong too (and now I realized I wrote a QPR without knowing what it is).

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I did wonder about it before I knew about my romantic orientation. Especially because I have friends who are in relationships or even married.
One friend always dragged his gf (now wife, lol) to our meetings without asking.
I wouldn't say anything as I know it's expected in our society to beam with enthusiasm when someone's in a romantic relationship
(and I'm also not a total asshole) but for the life of me, I couldn't shake the feeling of disturbance.
I'm better now because I got to know his wife but at the start it was exhausting.

I'm absolutely not able to direct my whole concentration, or even being, towards one person. And only one person (foreveeeeer~ :S).
Being in love seems to be really so much engaging that people find it worth to leave their family and friends behind.
And do other stuff I don't understand because my brain isn't under this specific chemical influence.
Even that one time where I thought what I felt could've been a crush, I still found many things people in love do insane or utterly stupid
(since why I'm now convinced it either wasn't a crush at all or an extremly weak one - where you still can think very rationally, you know?).
It's hard for me to bring up empathy for people who are just so in love, they start to ignore their friends entirely.
And when they break up, you suddenly start to be interesting to them again...I hate it.

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2 hours ago, nonmerci said:

 

So even if I never really wonder about that before I knew, I guess I had thoughts sometimes about how weird it is that romance is above any other relationships. I even started a book where the hero and a girl are very closed but not in love because I wanted to say that other bounds are important and strong too (and now I realized I wrote a QPR without knowing what it is).

I see, quite similar to what I’ve experienced though. I honestly can’t wrap my head around how someone couldn’t get exhausted after awhile. But that’s awesome! It sounds like a really great story, but lol I’m not 100% sure on how qpr’s work either but I’m sure the story will end up being really good. Thanks! 💚

54 minutes ago, NotHeartless said:


I'm absolutely not able to direct my whole concentration, or even being, towards one person. And only one person (foreveeeeer~ :S).
Being in love seems to be really so much engaging that people find it worth to leave their family and friends behind.
And do other stuff I don't understand because my brain isn't under this specific chemical influence.
Even that one time where I thought what I felt could've been a crush, I still found many things people in love do insane or utterly stupid
(since why I'm now convinced it either wasn't a crush at all or an extremly weak one - where you still can think very rationally, you know?).
It's hard for me to bring up empathy for people who are just so in love, they start to ignore their friends entirely.
And when they break up, you suddenly start to be interesting to them again...I hate it.

Omg yes! And yes, the crush thing and people ending up acting irrational and leaving behind friends and family is honestly very sad and annoying. Like why treat these people like you almost don’t know them anymore. And yea, I think I’m the past I also felt something similar to that, it wasn’t a crush but more of a very loving pain of wanting to become closer with them as friends (because they didn’t want to be close friends in the way I wanted to be with them.) And yes i hate it when someone is in a relationship and when they break up they’re like, “oh ok, I guess I’ll go to you know for emotional support” like ugh. But thank you for your response! Again nice having people who can relate with me 

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1 hour ago, Anything_but_allo said:

it wasn’t a crush but more of a very loving pain of wanting to become closer with them as friends (because they didn’t want to be close friends in the way I wanted to be with them.)

Wow, this kinda opened my eyes once more. I felt the wish to get closer too, but not in the romantic sense (didn't have the desire to kiss, making commitment, hold hands or anything like that). I sometimes find myself wishing/hoping for a closer friendship to someone, that's for sure.
I begin to fully grasp how much I feel on the platonic level. Sometimes I feel like all of my emotional energy is located there and focused on being a great friend.
Hence why I never really fall in love, haha.
You're welcome, it's great to finally talk to people who feel similar or even equal :aropride:

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4 minutes ago, NotHeartless said:

Wow, this kinda opened my eyes once more. I felt the wish to get closer too, but not in the romantic sense (didn't have the desire to kiss, making commitment, hold hands or anything like that). I sometimes find myself wishing/hoping for a closer friendship to someone, that's for sure.
I begin to fully grasp how much I feel on the platonic level. Sometimes I feel like all of my emotional energy is located there and focused on being a great friend.
Hence why I never really fall in love, haha.
You're welcome, it's great to finally talk to people who feel similar or even equal :aropride:

I’m glad you found this relatable. And same here, I was very confused and thought that I wanted to have a romantic relationship, but felt regulated by thought of kissing, holding hands, and dating etc. And yea, it seems I really jsut want to be a good friend to everyone I love. And thanks again, and same here it’s great that we can finally relate 💚

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