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Just said Aromantic out loud


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Today is the first time I said I was aromantic out loud. It was to my mom, it felt harder to say than coming out as bisexual because that is at least easier to explain. I have been in one or two romantic relationships and spent the entire time dodging my partners calls or trying to get out of seeing them. As soon as we broke up I felt so relieved like a weight was gone from my shoulders. My mom told me that I need to wait and I shouldn't define myself like this but I don't think this is a phase. Maybe it is a phase? I love rom coms to like a scary degree but in real life it makes me feel sick. I can't imagine myself in a committed relationship at all and that scares me, I don't want to be alone. I really would like too talk to someone, I have never met or talked about this to someone who understands. I guess i'm just looking for a friend.

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I'm sorry you didn't get the support you wanted. My mom said something similar to me when I came out. She also said she didn't belive it was a thing ?

Don't worry about being sure. Maybe you will feel different later but if aromantic fits your experience now, use it. For comparison, imagine if a person feels heterosexual but is hesitating to say so because they could be bi, maybe they just haven't met the right partner yet. No one would hold it against this person if they realized later that they were bi, and neither should they hold anything against you. If romance happens to you it will happen, regardless of how you think of yourself. 

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If only others tired of saying we're "too young" or "just haven't met the right person" as quickly as we tire of hearing it.  Your experience with romantic relationships sounds similar to mine and I doubt either of our identities will change, but as @Holmbo said, it wouldn't matter if they did.  I've identified as aro for about 3 years and my feelings about this identity have only grown stronger and more positive.  As long as I have good friends, which I do, I won't wish for a long-term romantic relationship.  If you do want something besides friendship, look into the concept of queerplatonic relationships, which are committed, very close platonic relationships which may or may not include romantic and/or sexual elements and may look similar to traditional relationships/marriage in other ways such as cohabitation, sharing finances, etc.  In any case, I hope you have/find meaningful relationships which work for you.  Welcome to the community.

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Welcome! So sorry you're going through this awkward interaction. I can only reiterate what the others have said. Only you are allowed to define yourself. And you don't HAVE to define yourself as anything if you don't want to. If identifying as aromantic makes you feel better in your skin today, then embrace it. And who knows, maybe you will find someone to share a romantic relationship with some day. And if you do, you can decide to change your definition to whatever fits you best. But if you don't, if you don't even care to look for that option, if the mere mention of it gives you the  squirms, you are completely entitled to take whatever direction suits you best. You do you, live your best life, and don't think you owe anybody else an explanation for how you feel or who you are.

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