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Losing a friend/partner because I'm lithromantic/aro?


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So about two years ago I meet this kid from my new school and we became best friends instantly. For about a year we were just really close friends, neither of us had romantic feelings for each other (mainly because we were both Aromantic). The longer we knew each other the more we realized how much we loved each other, for me it was just platonic feelings and for him, well idk. Eventually, I asked him if we were QPP since we always acted like it. At the time I was really happy to have a partner, especially one who was my best friend. But eventually, those feelings stopped. I really, really wanted to date someone. Not necessarily him, because I still viewed him as a friend, but I definitely wanted to have a Boyfriend/romantic partner. We slowly started making our QPR into a romantic one. At first, I loved going on dates, holding hands, cuddling, and yeah sometimes kissing, but after a few weeks, it all started to feel wrong. Anything related to being romantic with him felt weird or wrong because after all, he was my QPP, not my boyfriend. I told him that I didn't like PDA, but that wasn't the whole truth. I feel heartbroken because I really wanted to date him, or even just be in a QPR but my feelings just disappeared after any relationship starts. I'm worried about losing him as my best friend because of my stupid head not being able to love him in romantic (or deep platonic) ways. I don't know how to tell him, because only a few weeks ago I really liked him. And it just feels horrible because sometimes I totally want to be like that with him, but then when I think about it or whenever either of us mention that we are romantic it makes me feel gross. Any tips?

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You said at the beginning that both of you were aromantic? If anyone is going to understand these fluctuating feelings you're having, it will be him. Aros are the last people who will hold a grudge about something like this.

 

I'm a "tell it like it is" kind of person, so that's my suggestion. Explain what's been happening, speak up when you're feeling uncomfortable, and you should be fine.

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I'm really sorry for the situation you're in - it really sucks that you don't have feelings for this guy the way you'd like to, and it must be awful to think you could lose your best friend over this.

 

That said, there's a reason he's your best friend, and that reason is that you've been incredibly close to and open with each other for the last two years. I think @Naegleria fowleri is right in that if anyone is going to be understanding and supportive of what you're going through, it's him. 

 

I also think that if you keep trying to hide the truth from him, you're only going to get more upset, more conflicted, and more scared of how he'll react. I know you don't want to risk losing your best friend. But if the alternative is continuing on indefinitely like this, feeling gross about your relationship with him, and lying to him about it... is that really a better option? How long can you realistically keep that up before it becomes obvious you're miserable, and the relationship breaks down anyway?

 

Try to find a way to tell him the truth - the whole truth, not a watered-down version like "I don't like PDA" because you're afraid of hurting his feelings. His feelings might be hurt by what you say, and he might need some time to come to terms with that, but again he's your best friend - hopefully he'll do his best to be understanding.

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