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Complex identities and relationships


Rowan☆
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While I'm happy that I've finally realized and semi-accepted that I'm aro, it brings up a new hoard of fears. Mainly that my experiences and identities are too complex for anyone to love or appreciate; it's difficult for me to imagine that someone could love an aromantic-quoiromantic-nongendered-enby-who's-attract-to-women-and-some-enbies-who's-identities-and-attractions-are-probably-effected-by-their-nuerodivergency. And even though I try to work on these feelings by reassuring myself that there are plenty of accepting people out there who would love me for who I am they still tend to creep into my mind. And unfortunately, I'm sure that a lot of other people in the aro community (as well as the queer community in gender) feel this way too. Do you guys have any suggestions on how to deal with this, related experiences, and/or positivity and support groups for this? 

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I think I kinda know where you’re coming from.... I’ve only half accepted that I’m Aro and while lots of issues have resurfaced such my family’s possible Aphobia at my identity (were Hispanic and it’s all about finding a husband and being a baby maker, I am also still closeted from them but I’m out to two close friends) what I do to reassure myself of that insecurity is I focus on my career choice and I like to think that even if did have a desire to Marry and did experience romantic attraction, I’m better off being single.... because what I hope to do with my life takes up a lot of time and my family should know and accept that along with my Aro identity should I choose to ever come out! I also remind myself that it doesn’t matter who doesn’t accept your identity as those are not people I need in my life either. Also always remember that you are valid, no matter what! I don’t know if I helped but that’s what I try to do for myself 

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I can definitely relate. I like boxes and labels for myself but I just keep things simple for others because there's the argument that my identity is something personal, right? But on the other hand, sometimes I really feel like celebrating my complexity (and by extension, human complexity) and I find myself at a loss of who exactly to share my experiences with that won't be confused (and thereby not able to give me the type of attention I want/need).

 

It might sound silly, but scrolling through Arocalypse, other internet forums, and following a tonne of Tumblr blogs/social media on the topics of LGBTQ+ (including genderqueer and non-binary support blogs, aromantic creators, AVEN, etc.) helps! Reading the questions, answers, and posts on these social platforms is a way of interacting with other people in the community that works for my shy self (since I'm not publicly out in any way, I find that going to a 'real life' group in my local community - as awesome an experience as that is apparently - is not on my radar). The mods for the places I visit are always nice and always end their posts and responses with a heap of positivity. 

Apart from social media, I find that doing more general self-care and self-indulgence things also make me feel better about myself. I'll write or play the piano (creative endeavors are very calming for me), or I'll go bother my dog with cuddles, colour something, go for a walk outside, or any number of other things. I have a list I usually go through.

The combination of identity-specific validation/positivity/discussion and general self-care works wonders for me. :)

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