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Costati
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Hello everyone,

I'm really bad at introducing myself because I never know how to start or where to go but I guess the first thing to say is that I'm aromantic. I was born in France and am still currently living in France. I'm a cis female. I'm 18 years old. I'm heterosexual, precocious and  I lack of a lot of confidence about my romanticism (well basically everything but mostly that). I've decided to join a forum because I've realised how much I'm actually scared of people not understand I'm like that when it's so important to me. I've been starting a new therapy like two weeks ago and my therapist gave me an exercice to write down all of my fears in life in order of importance to just now what we should talk about and I almost wrote everything but I couldn't write the fear that I have of people not understanding I'm aromantic because I kept thinking about how her reaction would be and how she would tell me something is wrong with me and it's because I'm traumatised that I needed to be fixed. So I've realised how much I needed to actually feel I don't know valid about that and to be able to talk about it, to learn about other people experiences and be able to be proud of this instead of scared. 

I've been raised by two really alloromantics parents but like honestly probably not healthily romantics parents. They always put their relationship in the center of everything and always praised love. I can't tell you the number of times they told me about how they met and how it was love at first sight and I've told them about me being aromantic and they try to understand but they don't. I feel like it's so stupid. Because like I'm heterosexuel and cis...I'm just aromantic and I don't feel valid being hurt by it. I just don't feel valid in general. I rationally know that I am because I've never dreamed about love and since a very early age I've never understood why my friends would care about boys and having a boyfriend when they had a lot of friends because I've never seen the appeal but I still sometimes doubt about it. It's not even that I really doubt about it it's just that I am actually legit terrified that people tell me I'm actually not that what I am is not that because except from like knowing I love music and I'm precocious that's the only thing I really know about myself. I just felt so valid for once in my life when I learnt I was not broken. I didn't know about any of this about romantic orientation before my best friend told me about. I don't think it was even for me but she just randomly told me "Oh do you know about romanticism" and I checked and I was "Oh wow that's me". And I don't know I've actually known what aromanticism is for a year now and I still don't feel like I'm valid because in life I am not able to feel valid if it doesn't come from me. It's kinda stupid but anyway that's why I'm here I guess...to find that validation and reassure myself because it's so important for me and I feel like it's ridiculous for me to find it so important but maybe you guys can get why? Or maybe it's just me who's really weird and in an existential crisis 24/7. 

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Bienvenue Costati <3 

You're not alone. I'm heterosexual too and greyromantic. In my whole life, I felt romantic attraction once (he was a French guy) xD My friends always ask me why I don't accept the idea of dating and why I've never dated anyone. Don't worry, you're not broken. I was traumatised when I was little, but I'm not greyaro because of it. You'll find many people like you here. At first, I thought I was alone and weird, but now I know I'm perfectly fine. You need to accept and love yourself <3

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Hello :) 

I just found out about aromanticism and like you I had that wow thats me moment :D And I totally get the doubt and the fear of people not accepting it. It's absolutely valid to be hurt by a persons reaction because being aromantic is an orientation like every other and you shouldn't have to feel bad about being hurt when you're "just" aromantic (there's nothing "just" about it, it is absolutely valid!). I know it's difficult sometimes because many people have never heard of it so they don't understand it, but if they dismiss it or tell you something hurtful or that you just haven't found the right guy or something equally stupid you have every right to feel hurt by it.

I really hope you can soon accept yourself and that you like it here at the forum :)

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